


Stars and Spots: Book 2

by Twilarose



Series: Stars and Spots [2]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Originally Posted on FanFiction.Net, Post-Finale, epilouge
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-27
Updated: 2019-08-28
Packaged: 2020-09-28 02:50:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 29,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20418686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Twilarose/pseuds/Twilarose
Summary: Sometimes you have to fight to get your happy ending, and you don't always win. Sometimes a friendship can change, and not always for the better. Sometimes when things seem like they can't get any worse, it does. But there's always that light in life that makes you keep going.Sorry I suck at summaries





	1. Chapter 1

Moritet scrambled over the rocks, his heart pounding. He had to find help before it was too late. The aliens brought doctors with them when they arrived on his world; they may be able to do something. He glanced up the cliff where a small light glowed from the entrance of a cave. That was where he had to go, but he was only a fledgling; he had never climbed that high before. Still, he had to try; lives were at stake. He dug his claws into the rock face and began to climb, the wind buffeting the feathers on his forearms and scalp. Finally, he reached his destination. Shaking, he entered the cave, where a man stood with his back to him.

Doctor Julian Bashir turned around when he heard a noise, spotting Moritet. “What is it?”

Moritet spoke in the high voice that was customary to his species, his large golden eyes panicked. “Korina’s hurt!”

Julian grabbed his medical kit. “How bad is it?”

“She won’t wake up.”

“Take me to her.”

Julian followed Moritet across the barren, mountainous terrain of Kazel. A Vulcan survey ship discovered the small planet in the Gamma Quadrant not long after the Dominion abandoned it. Kazel was home to a primitive, avian-like species that posed very little threat to anyone, but it contained a vast amount of a rare and valuable mineral called Elendore. After extracting the majority of the Elendore from the planet’s crust, the Dominion withdrew, leaving the majority of the inhabitants dead. In an attempt to improve relations between the Gamma Quadrant and the Alpha Quadrant, Starfleet sent the _Defiant _and its crew to offer aid to the devastated world.

When Julian and Moritet reached the cave where Korina was, a strange sight greeted them. A fledgling who could only be Korina lay unconscious in the back of the cave, her skin pale. An adult Kazelon that Julian assumed was Korina’s mother crouched over her, screeching at anyone who came too close. Julian’s wife, Counselor Ezri Dax, was trying to calm her with little success. “What happened?” Julian asked.

“Korina was scaling one of the cliffs when she lost her grip and fell,” Ezri explained. “We managed to get her back here, but Azaelon won’t let anyone near her. I don’t know how bad she was hurt.”

Moritet scurried back to his mother, a tall woman named Orineth. She was the dominate female of this clan of Kazelons. “The Dominion killed Azaelon’s mate and other fledglings when they became too sick to work in the mines,” she said. “She won’t let anyone near Korina while she’s injured, especially if they’re outsiders.”

Ezri and Julian shared a look. They had been on Kazel for nearly three weeks, but they were still having trouble earning the trust of the natives. It was understandable; the last time aliens came to their world they had almost been wiped out. Still, if Korina did not get help soon, she could possibly die. Julian slowly approached Azaelon, his arms outstretched. “Please, I can help her.”

Azaelon glared at him, clacking her beak warningly. Ezri tried once more to leave her child’s side. “We’re not your enemies, Azaelon. Julian won’t hurt her.” Azaelon suddenly leapt forward, slashing at Julian's face. Only his quick reflexes saved him from harm. Ezri grabbed his arm, pulling him back. “Are you okay?”

“Fine, but I’m not so sure about Korina.”

Ezri bit her lip. “We could try stunning Azaelon,” she muttered.

“That would do the trick, but it wouldn’t make them trust us anymore.”

While they were talking, Orineth approached Azaelon. She watched her warily, but made no move to attack. “They are not the Dominion,” Orineth said soothingly. “Korina needs their help.”

Azaelon hesitated, but then allowed Julian to approach Korina. Julian crouched down next to the young Kazelon, scanning her. “A broken arm, a few cracked ribs, and a mild concussion. She’ll be fine.”

Ezri watched as her husband began to treat the fledgling’s injuries, a soft smile on her face. The compassion Julian showed for those who need his help was just one of the many reasons why she loved him. The past year had been one of the happiest of Ezri’s life; she hadn’t felt this much peace since before her Joining. Sharing her life with Julian wasn’t always easy, but at the end of the day she loved him and he loved her. In the end, that was all that mattered.

Julian straightened up. “Her ribs and arms are healed, and I’ve given her something for the concussion. I’ll check in tomorrow to see how she’s doing.”

Azaelon brushed past Julian and crouched over her daughter, nuzzling her gently. Sensing that they were no longer wanted, Ezri and Julian took their leave. “That went better than last time,” Julian said bitterly.

Not long after they arrived on Kazel, they came across an elderly Kazelon who was dying of cancer. Julian had offered him care, but the Kazelon didn’t trust him and refused. He died a few days later. Ezri touched Julian's arm comfortingly. “You can’t blame them for not trusting us.”

“But we’re here to help them!”

“I know,” Ezri said soothingly. “And soon they’ll realize that, but for now, we just have to be patient.”

Julian still looked irritated, but he let the matter drop. “Where are you off to now?”

“I was going to beam up to the _Defiant_; get some real food instead of those awful ration packs. Care to join me?”

“I might, but there’s something I want to show you first.”

“Julian, I’m exhausted. Can’t it wait until tomorrow?”

“No, it can’t. I promise you won’t regret it.”

Ezri sighed. Julian could be very stubborn when he wanted to be. “Okay. Just what is it exactly?”

“That would spoil the surprise.” Ignoring the exasperated look on his wife’s face, Julian took Ezri’s hand and led her through the rocky canyons of Kazel.

* * *

Night had long since fallen, and Ezri was starting to lose her patience. She tried to get Julian to tell her what was going on, but all he gave her was vague responses. Right now, she didn’t care if Julian had found a talking dog; she just wanted to go to bed.

“We’re here,” Julian said suddenly.

Ezri gave Julian an incredulous look. “A cave? You brought me all this way just to show me a cave?”

“Go inside. It’s a special cave.”

“Julian…”

“Just trust me.”

“Fine, but if this is some sort of rare fungi, I swear, I’ll-.” Ezri stopped mid-sentence. Julian was right; this was a special cave. The walls glowed, most likely due to trace amounts of Elendore left in the rock. However, this was not what surprised Ezri the most. Some had prepared a picnic in this small cave, complete with candlelight.

Julian came up behind Ezri and wrapped his arms around her waist. “Happy anniversary,” he murmured.

“You did this?”

“Surprised?”

“Yes! I thought we weren't going to celebrate until we got back to DS9.”

Julian shrugged. “It’s our first wedding anniversary. I wanted to do something special.”

Ezri turned to face him, putting her arms around his neck. “I didn’t realize you were this sentimental,” she teased.

“I’m full of surprises.” Julian kissed her deeply. When they separated, he asked, “Are you hungry?”

Ezri’s eyes were sparkling mischievously. “I can wait for a bit. You?”

“I’m not the least bit hungry anymore.” Julian recaptured Ezri’s lips with a passion. Even though they were thousands of light-years away from home, he could spend the rest of his life in this cave, so long as Ezri was with him.


	2. Chapter 2

Lieutenant Aria Mahoney sighed. “Remind me why we’re doing this again?”

“You lost a bet to Nog,” Ensign Thirishar ch’Thane said sternly. “What were you thinking challenging him to a Damjot match?”

“How was I supposed to know he won the championship three years ago?”

“You should have asked before you said that we would spend an hour in Vic Fontaine’s Lounge if he won.”

Aria coughed as one of the holograms blew smoke in her face. “I never knew Nog had such a mean streak in him.”

Thirishar, or Shar as he preferred to be called, shrugged. “At least he did not make us wear the costumes designed for this time period.”

“Speak for yourself.”

Shar winced on Aria’s behalf. “How bad was it?”

“It was covered in sequins and showed enough cleavage that it would embarrass an Orion slave girl.” Aria glanced over to where Nog was chatting with Vic and the band. “I’m getting out of here. You coming?”

“But we promised Nog…”

“Hey, if you want to spend the next hour in here, be my guest.” Pushing through the throngs of holographic people, Aria left the holosuite. After a moment’s hesitation, Shar followed.

“How are you going to explain this to Nog?” Shar asked Aria as they walked through Quark’s.

Aria shrugged. “I’ll set him up with a Dabo girl or something. He’ll get over it.”

The two friends strolled through the Promenade, chatting. “When does the new head of Starfleet Security get here?” Shar asked.

“Day after tomorrow.”

“That’s the third one this year!”

“Odo has a gift for scaring people off.”

“Why doesn’t Sisko make you head of security? You know the station, and Odo actually likes you.”

Aria let out a bitter laugh. “The day Sisko promotes me is the day the Borg learn to love.”

“I think you are underestimating yourself.”

“Let it go, Shar. I’m not the kind of person who should be in charge of others.”

A new voice sounded behind them. “You would have us marching to our graves in a week.” Aria and Shar turned to see a Starfleet Commander with dark hair standing there, a knowing smirk on his face.

“David!” Aria cried. She embraced the Commander, and he gave her a kiss on the cheek before releasing her. When Aria noticed Shar staring, she introduced him. “Shar, this is Commander David Chambers, first officer on the _Avenger_. David, this is Ensign ch’Thane, our science officer.”

Chambers gave Shar a curt nod before turning back to Aria. “Do you have any plans tonight?”

Aria smiled coyly. “Not at the moment. Why do you ask?”

“Well, I believe I promised you a tour of the _Avenger _the last time I was here.”

Aria pretended to consider Chambers’ offer. “Doesn’t sound too interesting. Got anything more fun in mind?”

“I’ll let you find that out for yourself.”

Grinning, Aria took Chambers’ arm. “I’ll see you later, Shar,” she said as he led her away.

“Goodbye,” Shar called, but he was too later; Aria was already gone.

Shar scratched the base of one of his antennae, not sure why he felt so irritated at the arrival of Commander Chambers. Aria had gone out with him before, but she told him and Nog that they weren’t in a relationship. It looked like she changed her mind, though. Shar supposed that he shouldn’t be too surprised by her wanting to spend time with other people; she normally just hung out with him and Nog. Still, it bothered him that she was interested in Chambers; he couldn’t explain why. Maybe he had just gotten used to having her around all the time. That had to be it.

“Shar!” Nog stormed across the Promenade, still wearing his tuxedo. “You ditched me!”

“It was Ari’s idea.” Shar gave Aria that nickname not long after he met her. He wasn't sure why he did, but Aria seemed to like it.

“Where is she?”

“She’s on a date with Commander Chambers.”

“Oh. He's back on the station?”

“It would appear so.”

Nog shrugged. “I’ll get her back later, then. You, on the other hand, still owe me an hour in the holosuite.”

“Come on, Nog,” Shar pleaded. “Just let it go; Ari and I don’t holosuites like you do.”

“You lost a bet, and now you must pay!”

“Ari lost the bet!”

“True, but you still owe me for fixing your quantum microscope.”

“You were ordered to do that!”

“Details, details. Now, come on; I told Vic we would listen to him as he practiced for his next set.”

As Nog dragged him back to the holosuites, Shar couldn’t help but wonder if having friends was really worth all the trouble.

* * *

Sisko glanced up at Ezri, who was concentrating on the chessboard between them. “It’s your move, old man.”

“I know; I’m thinking.”

“You used to be able to beat me at this game with your eyes shut.”

“I’m trying to rely less on the experiences of my past hosts. I want to be able to contribute to the Dax symbiant, not just live out the lives of the other hosts.”

Sisko watched as Ezri took her turn. “Is that why you suddenly wanted to play chess?”

“That, and I had nothing better to do.”

Chuckling, Sisko changed the subject. “I read your report on the Kazelons. Do you really think the Federation should postpone their plans for further contact?”

“They were scared of us, Ben, and I can’t really blame them. They should be given time to recover before we think of sending more people there.”

Sisko nodded, capturing one of Ezri’s remaining pawns with his bishop. “I’ll pass your recommendation on to Starfleet.”

“Thanks. So, what did I miss while I was away? How’s Rebecca doing?” Benjamin and Kasidy’s daughter had been born a few months after Ezri and Julian’s wedding.

“She’s standing up on her own now. Shouldn’t be long before she starts walking.”

“Just you wait; she’ll be piloting a starship before you know it.” Ezri took a closer look at Sisko’s face. “You don’t look too good, Ben.”

Sisko rubbed his face. “I haven’t gotten a good night’s sleep in weeks.”

“What you need is a vacation.” When Sisko laughed, Ezri insisted. “I’m serious! Take Kasidy down to Bajor for a few days; spend some time in your new house. You could even visit Jake! He’s still staying in the capital, isn’t he?”

Sisko consider it, but then shook his head. “No, Rebecca doesn’t deal with travel very well.”

“Julian and I can watch her.”

“Are you sure?”

“I think we can handle a ten-month-old. Check,” she added.

Sisko sighed. “I’ll ask Kasidy if she wants to.”

“She’ll say yes.”

Sisko paused, watching Ezri suspiciously. “She put you up to this, didn’t she?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Ezri retorted lightly.

“You’ve gotten sneakier, old man. All right, we’ll take a small vacation. Checkmate.”

Ezri stared at the board in disbelief. “What… how?”

“You should’ve used some of that past experience. Are you sure Julian won’t mind watching Rebecca?”

“He’ll be fine. What’s the worst that could happen?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love writing Aria, Nog, and Shar they're my babies


	3. Chapter 3

Later that same day, Ezri and Julian were having dinner in their quarters. “Did Felix send you the new Indiana Jones program yet?”

Julian shook his head. “He’s still working out some of the bugs.”

“What a shame.”

Julian frowned at the sarcasm in Ezri’s voice. “At least I don’t run the James Bond program anymore.”

“And the entire station thanks you for it,” Ezri teased.

Julian smiled despite himself. “Anything interesting happen today?”

“Morn and Ensign Valentine broke up. Again.”

“What was it this time?”

“Apparently he was getting too friendly with one of the Dabo girls. Quark’s taking bets on how long it takes before they get back together.”

“What did you say?”

“Three days. Tops.”

“Really? I’d give them less than that. They’re probably getting back together right now.”

Ezri laughed. “Oh, I got to spend some time with the Captain today.”

“Am I allowed to ask what you did, or is that classified information?” Julian teased.

“Well, he beat me at chess for the first time in years; it was quite embarrassing. Oh, and he and Kasidy are going to spend a few days on Bajor.”

“That’s nice.”

Ezri fiddled with her food. “Yeah, I said we’d watch Rebecca while they’re gone.”

Julian froze, his fork halfway to his mouth. “Why?”

Ezri shrugged. “I was just trying to help them out. I didn’t think you’d mind.”

“I don’t. I just wish you asked me about it first.”

“Well, I’m asking now. So are you okay with it?”

Julian sighed, giving in to Ezri’s pleading blue eyes. “When do they leave?”

“In three days, and they’ll be on Bajor for two days and two nights.” When she saw the apprehensive look on her husband’s face, Ezri tried to reassure him. “Don’t worry! You work with children all the time and I’ve been a parent four times. We can handle a ten-month-old; it’ll be fun!”

* * *

Rebecca had not stopped crying since her parents dropped her off an hour ago. Ezri was trying to calm her down, but she wasn't having much luck. Julian pinched the bridge of his nose, already regretting his decision to watch over the littlest Sisko. He had to finish his report of the crew’s physical exams for Starfleet Medical by the end of the week, but he couldn’t focus with all the noise. Deciding he had enough, Julian got up to leave. “Where do you think you’re going?” Ezri demanded.

“To my office to try to get some work done.”

“Oh, no you don’t!” Before Julian could protest, Ezri had placed the squalling baby in his arms. “Kasidy told me that there’s a doll that always calms her down, but I think she forgot to pack it. I’m gonna go look for it; just watch Rebecca until I get back.” She was gone before Julian could say anything.

Rocking Rebecca in his arms, Julian cursed Ezri. This had been her idea; the least she could do was stick around. Even though his work as a Doctor meant he had to deal with children on a regular basis, their parents were usually there to prevent any tantrums. He wasn't skilled at dealing with a crying child. At least Rebecca finally seemed to be calming down. Her wails turned into sniffles as she watched Julian with big brown eyes. Julian found himself talking to her, “Still not too happy, eh? Can’t say I blame you. It wasn't very nice of your mum and dad to leave you here all alone, was it?” Rebecca gurgled and Julian nodded sagely. “I agree; you should try to get back at them. Cry all night and they’ll never leave you again. Or you’ll never see them again. One of the two.”

Ezri came back with a worn doll in her hand. When she saw that Rebecca was no longer crying, she smiled. “Nice job.”

“I didn’t do anything,” Julian insisted.

“Guess you have the magic touch.” Ezri gently took Rebecca from Julian. “If you wanna go you can.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, we’ll be fine. Won’t we?” Ezri cooed at Rebecca, who smiled and grabbed at her hair.

Smiling, Julian gave Ezri a kiss on the cheek. “I’ll see you tonight.”

“Bye!” Ezri called after he left, then she turned back to Rebecca and continued to coo at her in baby talk. It had been some time since she had a baby in her arms, and she intended to enjoy every minute of it.

* * *

“I’m telling you, Doctor; there’s something wrong with me.”

Julian held back a frustrated sigh. Crewman Montgomery had been to the Infirmary three times this past week, complaining of various ailments. Even though Julian could find nothing wrong with him, Montgomery insisted that there was. Making a mental note to talk to Ezri about a possible counseling session, Julian tried to explain things to him. “Crewman, I’ve run three separate tests. I assure you that you are in perfect health.”

Montgomery didn’t look convinced. “Then why does my head hurt so much?”

“It could be due to stress. A good night’s sleep should take care of it.”

“If you say so, Doctor. Oh, did you get the results on my blood work yet?”

“All tests came back negative.”

“Really? I could’ve sworn I had the symptoms of the Laurian Virus.”

“I can imagine, but you’re fine.” Julian’s shift ended ten minutes ago, and he was ready to go home. “Look, I have to go, but talk to Nurse Richter if you have any more questions.” Julian ducked out of Sickbay before Montgomery could come up with another disease.

It wasn’t until Julian reached the doors to his quarters did he remember that Rebecca Sisko was staying with him and Ezri. Although he didn’t mind the child’s presence all that much, it had been a long day. He wasn't looking forward to entertaining a baby for the rest of the evening.

Julian entered his quarters, but Ezri and Rebecca were nowhere in sight. “Ezri?” he called out.

“In here!” she answered, her voice coming from their bedroom.

When Julian walked in, he immediately started grinning. Rebecca was stretched out on the bed, giggling madly as Ezri tickled her feet. “Looks like you had a productive day.”

Ezri laughed, her face glowing. “Jake used to be very ticklish, too. Must be a Sisko thing.”

Settling down on the bed so that Rebecca was lying between him and Ezri, Julian lightly tickled the baby’s stomach, causing her to squeal in delight. Julian had to admit, she was adorable. “I saw Crewman Montgomery again today.”

Ezri sighed; she had heard Julian complain about him on more than one occasion. “What was it this time?”

“A headache that he was convinced was a symptom of a subarachnoid hemorrhage. Could you please have a talk with him?”

“I think I better. It’s strange, though; there’s no mention of hypochondria in his file.”

“Could he be faking it?”

“It’s a possibility, but I don’t want to assume anything before I meet him. I’ll try to schedule an appointment with him for some time this week.”

Julian nodded his thanks. “Any idea about what you want for dinner?”

“Kira told me about this Nemoidian stew that she really liked.”

“Sounds good to me.”

Ezri scooped Rebecca up. “I was going to give Rebecca a bath after we eat. Wanna help?”

Julian hesitated. “I was planning on going over the crew’s physicals before sending them off to Starfleet.”

“It won’t take that long. Besides, are you really going to say no to this face?” Ezri gestured to Rebecca’s round features.

Julian let out a defeated sigh. “You’re evil, you know that?”

“Why, yes I do.”

“Tell me, what are you going to do when the Captain and Kasidy get back? Are you just going to steal Rebecca whenever you want to make me do something?”

“Hey, if it works, it works.” Ezri gave Julian a kiss before leaving the room, taking Rebecca with her. Shaking his head and smiling, Julian followed her; thinking that maybe this evening wouldn’t be too bad after all.


	4. Chapter 4

Julian sat down at Miles and Worf’s table, Tarkalean tea in hand. “Good morning, gentlemen.” Worf and Miles immediately ended whatever conversation they were having, giving Julian the suspicion that they had been talking about him. Deciding to ignore it, he asked, “What are you working on, Chief?”

Miles held up his padd. “Sisko wants me to do a recalibration of the docking ring’s systems when he gets back.” He hesitated, then asked, “Is Rebecca still staying with you and Ezri?”

“Yeah.”

“How’s that working out?”

Julian shrugged. “Not as bad as I thought it would be. Rebecca’s not much trouble at all.”

Miles nodded. “And it was Ezri’s idea to watch her, right?”

“For the most part. Why do you ask?”

Miles and Worf shared a look so brief that Julian almost missed it. “Just curious.”

“Funny thing to be curious about. What’s going on?”

Miles tried to dismiss Julian’s question. “It’s nothing; don’t worry about it.”

“What’s nothing?” Julian demanded; he was growing irritated.

Miles ignored him and turned to Worf. “Do you want to tell him?”

“Tell me what?”

Worf turned to Julian. “Do you remember when Jadzia and I looked after Kirayoshi?”

Julian nodded slowly. “Of course.”

“Jadzia offered to do it in order to see if I was capable of caring for a child myself.”

“What does that have to do with-?” Julian stopped mid-sentence, realization dawning on him. “Wait, you’re not suggesting that’s what Ezri’s doing now?”

“It is a possibility,” Worf rumbled.

“But… Sisko asked Ezri to watch Rebecca! She didn’t volunteer.”

“Is that what she told you?” asked Miles.

“Yes, but… Look, Ezri’s not thinking about us having a baby.”

Miles did not look convinced. “You sure about that?”

“Yes! She would’ve told me if she was.”

“Jadzia did not tell me,” Worf chimed in.

“Just because Jadzia decided to do something doesn’t mean Ezri will do the same thing!” Julian snapped. “You’re both being ridiculous.”

Miles held up his hands in surrender. “Alright, sorry!” There was an awkward silence. “Well, I think we should be heading to Ops. See you later, Julian.”

Worf and Miles made a hasty exit, leaving Julian glaring down into his tea. _Ezri’s not thinking about having a baby, _he told himself firmly. _She’s not, she’s not, she’s not._

* * *

Come evening Julian was no longer confident of his assessment. His conversation with Worf and Miles was in the back of his mind all day, and he found himself analyzing Ezri's behavior since Rebecca came to stay with them. She certainly seemed happier, smiling all the time and laughing, and she spent every spare moment with Rebecca. Julian tried to argue that she was simply ensuring that the child was well cared for, but he couldn’t dismiss the joy it seemed to give her.

Julian and Ezri never talked much about having children, just a few conversations about her past hosts’ children and some of their stories. Now it seemed that Ezri was planning to create some stories of her own, and Julian didn’t know what to make of it. He wasn’t opposed to ever having children, he had expected that they would someday, but he didn’t think they were ready for it at this point in their marriage. At least, he wasn't ready. Julian didn’t know the first thing about being a father, and he was almost certain that he would be bad at it. Caring for other people’s children was one thing, but it was a completely different story when it was his own child. On the turbolift back home, Julian decided that he would simply ask Ezri if she was thinking about having a baby. At least that way he would have a straight answer rather than driving himself crazy wondering about it.

When Julian got home, Ezri was cleaning up the baby toys that were strewn across the floor. After kissing her hello, he asked, “Where’s Rebecca?”

Ezri placed a finger on her lips, shushing him. “I put her in bed half an hour ago.”

Julian nodded. “Did you set up that appointment with Montgomery yet?”

“I’ll take care of it once Rebecca’s back home.”

“When does Sisko get back?”

“Tomorrow morning. I’ll drop Rebecca off; you don’t have to worry about it,” Ezri said as she placed the toys in Rebecca’s travel bag.

Julian watched her, trying to think of a delicate way to broach his concerns to Ezri. “You’re gonna miss her, aren’t you?”

Ezri shrugged. “I guess, but I can visit her whenever I want. Besides, I’m looking forward to getting our lives back to normal. Why do you ask?”

“Just curious. You seemed to enjoy spending time with her, so I…”

Ezri cut him off. “You’ve been talking to Worf, haven’t you?”

“What makes you say that?”

“Because you have the exact same look he did when Jadzia brought Yoshi home.” Ezri walked over to where Julian was standing, her arms folded. “You think I’m trying to talk you into having a baby, don’t you?”

Julian avoided her gaze. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Don’t lie to the Counselor, Julian, especially when she’s your wife. Is that what’s bothering you?”

Julian sat down on the couch with a sigh. “It’s not bothering me, but I am curious.”

Ezri sat next to him. “Julian, I agreed to watch Rebecca as a favor to Ben and Kasidy. I don’t have an ulterior motive.”

“So, you’re not thinking about having kids?”

Ezri played with Julian’s hand, contemplating her answer. “Not right now, but maybe someday.” She watched Julian’s face. “Don’t you want children?”

“I don’t know,” Julian admitted. “I never thought about it that much.”

“Well, you clearly thought about it today.”

“Yes, I did.”

“And?”

Julian brushed a strand of Ezri’s hair away from her face. “I don’t know, Ezri. I mean, I like kids, but I just don’t think I’m ready for that just yet.”

“Hey.” Ezri touched his face lightly. “It’s okay. I understand.”

“Really?”

“Of course. I’m not gonna lie, Julian; I do want kids, but it doesn’t have to be right now. I’m fine with waiting a few more years.”

“Are you sure?”

“Julian, it’s okay!” Ezri laughed. “You just let me know when you think you’re ready to have children, and then we’ll talk.”

Julian gave Ezri a gentle kiss. “Thank you.”

Ezri smiled at him. “You worry too much.”

* * *

Ezri was worried about Julian. Even though she assured him last night that she was willing to wait on having a baby, he still seemed to think that she wasn't telling the truth. They didn’t get a chance to talk about it this morning; Julian had an emergency call from the Infirmary and she had to drop Rebecca off at the Sisko’s. Then there was the call she got from him a few hours later about having lunch in their quarters; he sounded upset, which made Ezri think that the matter wasn't closed.

Ezri couldn’t understand why Julian was taking having a baby so seriously. To be honest, it worried her. If Julian didn’t want to have children… She chased that fear out of her head. She was overthinking the issue. Julian just wasn't ready for children right now. They’d talk about it over lunch so that he would realize that she wasn't trying to pressure him, and then he may be able to relax. Everything would be fine.

Julian was waiting for her when Ezri got to their quarters. Just one look at him and Ezri knew something was wrong. He sat so stiffly on the couch, and he refused to look at her. Trying to ignore it, Ezri smiled brightly. “Hey, there! What’s for lunch?”

Julian ignored her question. “We need to talk.”

Despite her best efforts, Ezri’s smile slid off her face. “About what?”

“About having a baby.”

“Julian, I told you last night; it’s okay if you don’t want to have kids yet.”

“I know, and I believe you.”

“Then why-?”

Julian interrupted her. “Have you read the Federation’s laws regarding the genetically enhanced?”

Ezri blinked, taken aback by his question. “I skimmed it a few times.”

“Well, you might want to skim it again. Particularly Section 8, paragraph 3.”

Ezri swallowed. Julian was starting to scare her. “Why? What does it say?”

Julian took a deep breathe. “That any genetically enhanced person is not permitted to have children by any means.”

Ezri felt as if she had been punched in the stomach. “You don’t mean…”

“It doesn’t matter if I’m ready for children or not. If we try to have a baby, I’ll be arrested."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun dun duuuuun! The following storyline was inspired by Katta on FanFiction.net; she's an amazing writer and I highly recommend checking her out.


	5. Chapter 5

Ezri stared at Julian, trying to comprehend what he just told her. “They… the Federation would really arrest you if you tried to have a baby?”

Julian nodded, his face grim. “They won’t take the risk of me passing on my enhancements to anyone else.”

“But your enhancements aren’t dangerous! They’re just mental abilities and a few alterations to your hand-eye coordination.”

“It doesn’t matter,” Julian said wearily. “I’ve been fortunate so far, but this is one rule they will not bend.” When Ezri didn’t say anything, he continued, “I was thinking about our conversation last night when I remembered reading about the laws not long after I found out what my parents did to me. It was so long ago, and I wasn't sure if I remembered correctly, but…” Julian broke off, shaking his head. “I’m sorry, Ezri.”

“It’s not your fault,” Ezri managed to whisper. She wanted to go to him, to try to seek some comfort, but she was frozen where she stood. She couldn’t believe this was happening.

“Yes, it is!” Julian argued. “I should have looked into this sooner, before we were married.”

“It wouldn’t have changed anything.”

“You should’ve known that you were marrying a man who wasn't allowed to have children.”

The despair on Julian’s face was enough to make Ezri forget her own shock. She tried to embrace him, but he moved away from her. “I would’ve married you anyway. I wouldn’t let some stupid law tell us what we could or couldn’t do, and I’m going to let them now.”

Julian shook his head. “There’s nothing we can do, Ezri.”

Ezri stared at him in disbelief. “You’re not going to fight this?”

“The only reason I’m allowed to serve in Starfleet is because they know I’m not a threat. They don’t know anything about what our child would be like, and they won’t want to take the chance. If we fight this, we’ll lose, and I don’t want to make you go through that.”

“Isn’t that my choice?” Ezri cried.

“Ezri, I don’t want to see you hurt by this.”

“There has to be something we can do.”

“I wish there was.” Silence fell between them. “I need to get back to Sickbay. I… I just thought you should know.” Julian took a hesitant step toward Ezri, but then changed his mind and left. Ezri stood there, all alone, trying to keep her heart from breaking.

* * *

“Come in,” Sisko called out as the chime for the side door of his office sounded. Ezri entered, her face pale. “How are you, Dax?”

“Do you have a minute, Benjamin?”

“Of course, have a seat.” Ezri sank into one of the larger chairs. “Is something wrong?”

Ezri stared down at her hands. “You could say that.”

Sisko got up from behind his desk and sat across from Ezri. “Tell me.”

Ezri took a deep breath before speaking, “Did you know that people with genetic enhancements are not permitted to have children?”

Sisko nodded slowly. “Yes, I did.”

Ezri stared at him. “Why didn’t you ever tell me?”

“I assumed that you and Doctor Bashir had already discussed it.”

Ezri shook her head, “Everything happened so fast between us; we never talked about having children.”

“Why talk about it now?”

“He thought I was interested in having children when I agreed to watch Rebecca for you and Kasidy,” Ezri said, a sad smile on her face. “I told him I was fine with waiting for a few more years, but then he remembered some of the laws regarding the genetically enhanced, and…” her voice trailed off.

“I’m so sorry.”

“It’s not fair!”

“I know it isn’t, but it is understandable. The Federation cannot condone any act that would make it seem that genetic engineering is an acceptable behavior.”

“But they already did!” Ezri stood up, fists clenched. “They allowed Julian to stay in Starfleet.”

“Ezri, we’re talking about creating a new life! There are too many variables, too many unknowns. The Federation may have allowed Julian to remain in Starfleet, but they won’t risk the two of you having children with genetic enhancements. The results could be catastrophic.”

“Julian is not like Kahn Singh!” Ezri argued. “He has never once expressed any tyrannical desires or anything of that nature. He shouldn’t be treated like a monster when he’s one of the gentlest people that I know.”

“I agree with you, but the law does not.” Sisko paused. “What does Julian think about all this?”

Ezri scoffed. “He doesn’t want to do anything; he’s just given up. I’ve never seen him like this,” she added softly.

“And what do you want to do?”

Ezri was quiet at first. “I don’t want to force him to fight this, especially if he's not sure if he's ready for children,” she said finally. “But it’s not right for him to just accept that he has to be treated from everyone else.” She turned to Sisko, her face desperate. “Julian would be a wonderful father, I know he would. He deserves the right to decide if he wants to discover that for himself.”

“It seems that the two of you have a lot to talk about.”

“Yeah, we do.” Ezri was quiet for a moment. “When did this start happening?”

“I’m sorry?”

“You used to go to Curzon for advice all the time, and now here I am, coming to you for help.”

Sisko smiled. “It’s funny how things turn out.”

Before Ezri left, she gave Sisko a small smile. “Thank you, Benjamin, for everything.”

* * *

Ezri lay awake that night, staring up at the ceiling. Julian wasn't home yet; it was unusual for him to work so late without letting her know about it. Ezri had a sinking feeling that he was avoiding her. She heard the doors to their quarters open, but there was no call of greeting from Julian. Sliding out of bed, Ezri moved to stand in the doorway to their bedroom.

Julian was searching for something to eat from the Replicator. He glanced up, noticing Ezri. “Hey. I didn’t realize you were still up.”

“I didn’t realize you were working so late.” Julian shrugged, but he didn’t try to give her an excuse. They both knew why he had taken his time coming home. Ezri sighed, and walked over to stand in front of him. “Julian, we have to talk about this.”

Julian ran a hand over his face. “Look, if you do want to have children, we could always try a surrogate. I’d be okay if you had children that weren't mine, so long as you were happy. Or we could-.”

Ezri interrupted Julian with a kiss, feeling as if her heart would burst. He was so concerned with what she was feeling instead of himself. Just another reason why she loved him. When she pulled away, she gazed up into his face. “I don’t want some stranger’s baby; I want yours.”

Julian shook his head. “I told you; I'm not allowed-.”

Ezri cut him off. “Tell me, Julian; do you want to fight this?”

“We wouldn’t win.”

“Answer the question!”

Julian sighed. “Yes, I do. You shouldn’t have to-.”

“This isn’t about me, Julian. This about you. I will stand by you until the very end, but you have to be willing to this for you, for the both of us. You don’t deserve to be treated as anything less than who you are; a wonderful person who would be an amazing father.”

Julian's eyes were moist. “What if they say no?”

“We won’t give them a reason to.”

Julian pulled Ezri close, burying his face in her shoulder. “I love you so much,” he murmured.

Ezri blinked rapidly, rubbing the back of Julian’s neck comfortingly. “I love you, too, with all my heart. We’ll fight this law, no matter what it takes.”


	6. Chapter 6

“In recognition of your proficient service to Starfleet, I hereby promote you to the rank of Lieutenant, Junior Grade,” Sisko said as he pinned the new pip to Shar’s collar. “Congratulations.”

Shar dipped his head, his antennae standing up proudly. “Thank you, sir.” As his fellow officers offered their congratulations, Shar was in a happy daze. He had worked hard for this promotion, and to finally receive his reward was one of the greatest pleasures he had ever experienced.

“I guess I can’t give you orders anymore,” Nog joked after shaking his hand.

Aria, who was standing behind Nog, gave him a playful shove. “But I can still order both of you around, so watch out.” She gave Shar a kiss on the cheek. “Congratulations; you deserve it.”

“Hey, how come you never kiss me?” Nog complained.

“You get promoted and I’ll kiss you as much as you want,” Aria called over her shoulder as she headed for the buffet.

Nog rubbed his hands together deviously. “I’m gonna have to start picking up extra shifts.” He glanced up at Shar, expecting him to laugh, but the Andorian was frozen, a stunned expression on his face. “Shar? Hello? Are you okay?”

As Aria was filling up her plate, someone came up behind her. “Lieutenant, we need to talk.”

Aria didn’t even have to turn around to see whom the voice belonged to. “Can it wait, Odo?”

“No, it cannot.”

Aria turned to face the Constable with a sigh. “This is a party, for God’s sake! Lighten up.”

“As I recall, you said something similar to Commander Talis just the other day.”

“No, I told her to get off her high horse and do some real work for a change.”

“Ah, yes, that’s so much better.”

“Look, I already got the lecture from Sisko. I don’t need to hear it again from you.”

“You do realize that Talis is considering transferring you off the station?”

“Really? Huh, it’s been awhile since I’ve been threatened with a transfer. I must have really pissed her off.”

“And you’re proud of that?”

“Come on, Odo. You know as well as I do that Talis doesn’t belong here. She treats Starfleet regulations like a lover; all she does is sit in Security while we run around doing her bidding. That type of security doesn’t work here, and I’m not going to take it for much longer.”

“As long as I’m head of Security, you’ll do as she says. I need you here.”

“Is that right?” Aria asked, a sly smile on her face. “I didn’t know you cared so much.”

Odo snorted. “Don’t be ridiculous. You’re a competent Security officer; that’s all.”

“Oh, Odo; you say the sweetest things.”

“Just try not to get yourself court marshaled.”

Aria raised her glass to Odo. “I’ll do my best.”

* * *

A few hours later, Shar and Nog were strolling down the empty halls of the Habitat Ring. “Did you enjoy your party?” Nog asked.

“For the most part, but I noticed that Doctor Bashir and Counselor Dax did not.”

“Yeah, they did seem upset about something. I wonder what’s going on with them.”

“It’s none of our business,” Shar reminded him.

“Hey, I’m a Ferengi; everything’s my business.” The pair reached Nog’s quarters. “Care for a drink?”

“It’s late, Nog, and I have to examine the data from the last survey expedition into the Gamma Quadrant tomorrow.”

“Come on, just one drink!” Shar relented and followed Nog inside. “Two Black Holes,” the Ferengi ordered from the Replicator.

When Shar saw the black liquid, he immediately took a step back. “No. Absolutely not.”

“You haven’t even tried it!”

“I don’t have to; it looks vile.”

“You said you were going to have a drink with me, so drink it.” Nog thrust one of the drinks into Shar’s hand and raised his own glass. With a sigh, Shar copied him. “To the best science officer in the sector!”

Shar took a hesitant sip of the Black Hole, and spat it out immediately. “Ugh! You know, you’re worse than Ari. At least the food she makes me eat is somewhat edible.”

“Since when did Aria become the nice one?”

“Since you tried to poison me.” Shar placed his drink back in the Replicator.

Nog watched his friend, a thoughtful expression on his face. “You like her, don’t you?”

“Like who?”

“Aria.”

“Of course I do. She’s my friend.”

“I mean, more than a friend.”

Shar stared at Nog in disbelief. “What?”

“I’ve seen the way you look at her. You really care about her; I can tell. Plus, you’re always trying to spend more time with her.”

Shar’s face flushed a dark blue. “That’s because she is my friend.”

“Friends don’t get jealous when other friends go on dates. You’ve been in a foul mood ever since Commander Chambers was here.”

“Ari can date whomever she wants; it is none of my business.”

“That’s another thing; the nickname that you gave her. Goes a bit farther than friendship, don’t you think?”

“You are being ridiculous,” Shar huffed.

“She’s not dating Chambers, you know. She told me that he’s too arrogant and that she can only stand him for a short amount of time.”

“Really?”

Nog pointed at Shar triumphantly. “There! You’re antennae perked up like they always do when you’re happy. You do like Aria!”

“Look, I am only going to say this once: Ari is my friend, and that is all she will ever be.”

Nog wanted to press the issue, but something in Shar’s eyes warned him to back off. “If you say so. I just think the two of you would make a good couple.”

“My feelings are for my bondmates, Nog; no one else. Now, if you will excuse me, I have work to do in the morning. Good night.”

“Sure. See ya tomorrow.” Nog watched Shar leave. The Andorian could deny it all he wanted, but Nog's lobes were telling him that Shar was in love with Aria. He wondered if Aria might be interested in Shar; she could probably benefit from having a stable relationship for a change. It was then that Nog decided that it was his mission to get his two friends together, even if they ended up killing him for it later.

* * *

Shar was shaking as he left Nog’s quarters. He had come dangerously close to losing his temper, something he could never allow himself to do. Andorians were renowned for their fury, and several of his people had been discharged from Starfleet because they could not control themselves. Shar had done well so far, but Nog’s accusations that he had feelings for Aria nearly pushed him over the edge.

The worst part was that Shar didn’t know why he was so angry. Nog didn’t mean any harm; he was probably just teasing him as usual. It must have had something to do with Aria. Could he have feelings for her? No, that was impossible. Even though Aria was his friend, she could be extremely irritating. She was rude and disrespectful, and there were times when her cruel sense of humor alarmed Shar. He couldn’t see any possibility that they could become a couple. Besides, he did love his bondmates, despite his view on marriage, and it was his duty to remain loyal to them.

All the excitement over his promotion was gone by the time Shar reached his quarters. All he wanted now was to get a good night’s sleep and try to forget about what Nog said about Aria.

“Ops to Lieutenant ch’Thane.”

“Yes?” Shar sighed.

“Sir, you have an incoming message over subspace.”

Shar clenched his fists. He knew who was contacting him. “Send it to my quarters,” he growled. He might as well get this over with.

The broad, blue face of Charivretha zh’Thane appeared on Shar’s monitor. “I heard about your promotion, Thirishar. Congratulations.”

Shar sat down in front of the monitor, dipping his head in acknowledgement. “Thank you, _Zhavey_.”

“Anichent, Dizhei, and Thriss send their congratulations as well.”

Shar’s demeanor softened at the mention of his bondmates. “How are they?”

“They are well, but they miss you. I was surprised when they chose not to contact you themselves.”

“I asked them not to.”

“And why is that?”

_So I don’t have to feel guilty whenever I see them_, Shar thought. Instead, he said, “I don’t want to be distracted from my work.”

“You work too much, Thirishar,” Charivretha chided. “A vacation would do you much good.”

“I am not returning to Andor, _Zhavey_. There are still many things I wish to do here,” Shar answered tightly. He knew it wouldn’t take long before they fell back into their old argument.

“Please, Thirishar. Your bondmates want you home.”

“And I will return to them when I am ready, but not before then.”

Charivretha’s face darkened. “You are being selfish, and your actions bring shame upon us all.”

Shar was fighting to stay calm. “I am sorry for that, but my decision stands.”

Charivretha shook her head sadly. “I do not wish to argue with you, but you must understand the consequences of your actions.”

“If you did not want to argue, then you should not have contacted me.”

Charivretha’s antennae flattened against her scalp. “Perhaps. I merely wanted to offer my congratulations.”

“And you have done that.”

“Then I will take my leave. Remember what I said, Thirishar.” The screen went dark as Charivretha ended the transmission.

Shar stared at the black screen. Suddenly, he punched it, shattering the glass and cutting his hand. He ignored the pain, riding on the waves of his anger and his frustration. He sat there, glaring at where his _zhavey’s_ face had been just moments before until the cracked lines blurred and his hand went numb.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God I love writing these three. Shar is my most precious baby so I must make him suffer.


	7. Chapter 7

Ezri was in her office, going over the notes she took during her sessions with Crewman Montgomery. They had spoken a few times, he seemed nice enough, but he was still paying constant visits to Sickbay. From what Ezri could determine, he always had symptoms of hypochondria, but had been able to repress them until now. They had yet to find the cause of this sudden breakdown in self-control, but Ezri believed that future counseling sessions would help alleviate some of the stress Montgomery was feeling. In the meantime, Ezri was going to talk to Julian about giving Montgomery injections of fluoxetine to help battle the symptoms. It wouldn’t cure his hypochondria, but it may help Montgomery resist the urge to visit the Infirmary, which would give Julian one less thing to worry about.

Ezri placed her padd on her desk and ran her fingers through her hair, sighing. Their marriage had changed since they discovered the laws preventing Julian from having children. Julian had been distant from Ezri the past few weeks; he didn’t even touch her anymore. This change in his behavior not only worried Ezri, it scared her. She was losing her husband to this stupid law, and unless they managed to convince the Federation that their children wouldn’t be a threat, she may never get him back. There were times when Ezri wished that she never offered to watch Rebecca Sisko, that they never found out about the law. They would still be happy, not having to worry about anything other than how they wanted to spend their time together. As much as Ezri wished that such a reality could be true, she knew it was impossible. They would’ve had to face the issue of having children eventually, and putting it off would only make it worse for both of them. At least this way they would get an answer sooner rather than later. Ezri just hoped that all this would have a happy ending. She didn’t want to think of what would happen if it didn’t.

“Ops to Counselor Dax.”

“Yes?”

“You have a transmission from Advocate Roman coming in over subspace.”

Hope rose in Ezri’s chest for the first time in weeks. “Send it to my office.” She smiled at the face that appeared on her monitor. “It’s good to see you again, Tennet.”

The old Human stared at her, surprised etched on his wizened features. “Dax?”

“I take it you like my new host.”

“It’s certainly an improvement from the last time I saw you. How have you been?”

“Clearly not as well as you. Chief Advocate for the Federation Council? Curzon always thought you would make a good lawyer; you enjoyed a good debate just as much as he did.”

Tennet Roman chuckled. “I think Curzon enjoyed arguing more than debating.”

Ezri smiled in agreement. However, as much as she enjoyed reminiscing with Roman, they had more urgent things to discuss. “Thanks for getting back to me so quickly.”

“Well, you certainly piqued my interest. I must ask, though, what makes you so interested in the Eugenics Laws?”

“It’s a personal matter,” Ezri said quietly.

“I take that it has something to do with your new husband. Doctor Bashir, I believe?”

Ezri blinked, surprised. “I didn’t realize Starfleet made Julian’s genetic enhancements public knowledge.”

“They didn’t. If the public knew that someone who underwent genetic engineering was serving in Starfleet, there would be chaos.”

Ezri sighed. “Is there any possibility of Julian receiving any leniency regarding some of the laws?”

“That depends. What kind of leniency are you talking about?”

“The kind that would allow Julian to have children.”

Roman paused, considering the matter. “There hasn’t been a case regarding genetic enhancements in over 100 years. It’s difficult to say how a jury would react if such a case was brought before them. However, knowing the Council as well as I do, I don’t think you would like the outcome.”

Ezri’s heart sank as Roman continued. “I read Doctor Bashir’s service record before contacting you; the work he’s done is extraordinary. He doesn’t appear to pose any threat, but there’s a lot of stigma attached to those with genetic enhancements. The Council support those views, no matter how unevolved they may seem. You can’t really blame them; I remember the stories my father used to tell me about Khan Singh.”

“So, there's nothing we can do?” asked Ezri.

“I didn’t say that. Since legal cases brought before the Federation Council are put on public record, they would never allow you to present your case to them, lest the people learn about their secret. You would go straight to Starfleet Command instead, and since they already allowed Doctor Bashir to remain in Starfleet, you might stand a better chance of convincing them to make an exception regarding the law prevent the enhanced from having children.”

“Might?”

“There’s still a risk that your children will end up like Khan Singh. You’ll have to make quite a case to change their mind.”

Ezri sighed. “Well, it’s a start. Thanks for all your help, Tennet.”

Roman grinned. “Of course. If you need any more help, just let me know.” The screen went dark as he ended the transmission.

Ezri leaned back in her chair and stared up at the ceiling. They still had a long way to go, but the light at the end of the tunnel was beginning to look a little brighter.

* * *

Deciding that she didn’t want to wait until Julian got home to tell him the news, Ezri paid a visit to the Infirmary. On her way, she passed Morn, who was just leaving. “What happened to Morn?” she asked once the doors had closed.

Julian glanced up from his padd. “Fell off a bar stool.”

Ezri winced. “I thought Odo told Quark they weren’t safe and that he had to replace them.”

“Since when does Quark listen to Odo? Now, what can I do for you?”

Ezri lowered her voice. “I just spoke to Tennet Roman.”

That got Julian’s attention. Taking Ezri’s hand, he led her into his office so that they could talk more privately. “What did he say?”

“Well, the good news is that we won’t have to deal with the Federation Council. Starfleet wants to keep your enhancements a secret, so we’ll have to go directly to them.”

“And the bad news?”

“Either way, this isn’t going to be easy. There’s a lot of prejudice attached to this, but I think we can do it.”

“Do you?”

Ezri stared at Julian, confused. “Are you okay?”

Julian's face was expressionless. “Of course.”

“Then you could at least act like you’re a little excited.”

“Excited about what? That we have to go beg Starfleet for permission to have children?”

“What’s wrong with you? You’ve been in a bad mood for weeks.”

“I just have the feeling we’re fighting a lost cause here. You said it yourself; Starfleet is so prejudiced against the genetically enhanced that we’ll never be able to change their minds.”

Ezri couldn’t believe they were having this argument again. She was tired of comforting Julian and not getting anything out of it. Frustrated, she started yelling at him. “Look, I'm trying to fight this the best I can. Why can’t you at least try to act like you appreciate what I’m doing?”

“I do! I’m just being realistic.”

“No, you’re giving up. You don’t care if you’re allowed to have children or not!”

Julian’s face darkened. “How can you say that?”

“What else am I supposed to say?” Ezri cried. “If that’s what you want, then fine. Just don’t lie to me and make me go through all this if you don’t really care.” With that, Ezri turned on her heel and stormed out of the Infirmary.

* * *

Julian dreaded going home that night. Ezri was most likely still angry with him, and he knew that she had every right to be. He hadn’t been making things easy for her, and she deserved an apology. Julian just hoped she would accept it.

Ezri didn’t even glance at Julian when he entered their quarters. “Hey.” When she ignored him, he sighed. “Can we talk?”

“About what?” Ezri answered curtly.

“I owe you an apology.”

Ezri turned to face him, arms crossed. “I’m listening.”

Julian slapped his hands against his sides. “I’m sorry if I made you think I don’t care. I do, it’s just… this hasn’t exactly been easy for me.”

The hard look on Ezri’s face softened. “Why didn’t you say something?”

“You have enough on your mind.”

“Julian,” Ezri crossed over to him and touched his face. “I’m here. Talk to me.”

Julian took her hand and squeezed it. “It’s not so bad when I just have to worry about what people think of me. I can handle it, but a child… What chance would a child have against all that hate? Is it right for us to bring someone into a world that despises them?” Ezri bit her lip as Julian continued. “And what if we don’t win? What happens to us then? Can you honestly say you’d be happy with not having children?”

Ezri raised her eyebrows. “Is that all?”

“For now.”

“Alright. Now it’s your turn to listen to me. If anyone tries to do anything that would hurt our child, I’ll make sure they regret it.”

“And what could you possibly do?”

“Jadzia was an expert in Klingon martial arts. They won’t know what hit them.” Julian chuckled as Ezri went on. “And no matter what Starfleet says, I have no intention of leaving you, ever. We’ll work things out.”

Julian smiled down at her. “How did I get so lucky?”

Ezri wrapped her arms around his neck. “Every so often, you get something right.” She gave him a gentle kiss. “Now the question is what we do next.”

“I guess we better start working on our case for Starfleet. We got a lot of work to do.”

Ezri rested her head on Julian’s chest. “It’s going to be okay. We’ll get through this.”

Julian kissed the top of her head. “I know. As long as I have you, I can do anything.” Ezri began giggling. “What?”

“You’re being cheesy again. I’m sorry; I just can’t take you seriously when you act like that.”

Julian snorted and released her. “Well, since you find this so amusing, there’s some research I need to do.”

“Oh, no you don’t.” Ezri grabbed Julian’s arm as he tried to walk away. “I haven’t accepted your apology yet.”

“How do you plan to do that?”

“I’ll show you.” Taking Julian’s hand, Ezri led Julian into their bedroom, the door sliding shut behind them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just some filler fluff


	8. Chapter 8

The cockpit of the _Ganges _was unusually quiet. Even the faint beeping of the monitors and displays did little to break the silence. Ezri glanced over to where Julian was sitting, completely engrossed in his padd. Ezri got up from her chair and went to stand behind him, wrapping her arms around his chest. “What are you reading?” she murmured.

Julian tilted the padd so that Ezri could see what he was looking at. Ezri examined the diagrams on the screen. “That’s Trill DNA. I’m assuming this is the reason you took all those blood samples from me.”

Julian nodded. “If I can prove that your Trill DNA would suppress any side effects from my enhanced Human DNA, then it could help our case.”

“Any luck?”

“Some. We’ll just have to wait and see if it’ll work.”

“Well, it’s nice to know that you becoming a vampire will be good for something. I just hope my poor arm can forgive you.” At the look on Julian’s face, Ezri quickly added, “I’m kidding!”

Julian snorted humorlessly. “You’re in a good mood.”

“I’m just trying to cheer you up,” Ezri said softly.

“Thanks, but I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not. We still have two days before you meet with Starfleet Command; don’t stress yourself out now.”

“I’m not stressed.”

“Yes, you are. You’ve been stressed for weeks, and you haven’t been sleeping well, either.”

“Neither have you,” Julian pointed out.

“True,” Ezri admitted. “But right now I’m more worried about you.”

“Don’t be. I told you, I'm fine.”

Ezri knelt in front on Julian, taking his padd from him and replacing it with her hands. “Everything’s going to work out,” she said soothingly. “You spent the last month working on this case; you’re ready. Starfleet will have no choice but to listen to you.”

Julian sighed and pulled Ezri up onto his lap. “I hope you’re right.”

Ezri wrapped her arms around Julian’s neck and rested her head on his shoulder. “I’m always right, remember?” Julian let out a light chuckle as Ezri asked, “Do you know who you’ll be meeting with when you get there?”

Julian nodded. “Admiral Bennett will be there, along with Admiral Strickler and Admiral T’Lara.”

“Well, that's not so bad. Bennett was the one who let you stay in Starfleet, and Strickler’s fair; they’ll hear you out.”

“Maybe, but I’m worried about T’Lara. She’s a Vulcan, and it’s not exactly logical to let someone who went through genetic resequencing to have children, not matter how well-behaved they may be.”

“Then I guess you’ll have to show her your logic,” Ezri shrugged.

“And Bennett’s not going to be as easy to convince as you think. My father isn’t here to make a deal with him this time.”

“I talked to Tennet Roman before we left,” Ezri said. “He thinks we should try to make some sort of compromise with them instead of demanding full reproduction rights. It might make it easier for us, but I don’t know how you’re going to do that.”

Julian wrinkled his brow thoughtfully. “I can see what he’s getting at. If we were to allow them to monitor our children’s development, or agree to a limit as to how many children we could have, it might make them more agreeable.”

Ezri made a face. “That doesn’t sound very appealing.”

Julian smiled thinly. “We may not get a better offer.”

“I wish I could go in there with you,” Ezri sighed.

“So do I,” Julian said, brushing Ezri's bangs away from her forehead. “I could use someone on my side.”

“Did they tell you why I’m not allowed to talk to the Admirals with you?”

Julian shrugged. “They’re probably just being paranoid. The less people who know about their decision, the better.”

“Like I’m not the first person you’re going to tell. Ah, well. I could always make some big emotional scene if things don’t go our way.”

“Oh, definitely. Be sure to include lots of crying and screaming.”

They both laughed at that, but then silence fell between them again. There was no need for them to say anything else; they both knew the others thoughts. If the meeting at Starfleet Command did not go well, Ezri and Julian could give up whatever hope they had of ever having children.

* * *

Julian always enjoyed visiting Starfleet Headquarters. Just the sight of the grand building filled him with pride; it gave him the feeling that he was doing some good in the universe. Today, however, it gave him a completely different feeling. Now all he could see was an organization determined to maintain their idea of order, no matter how unjust it may be. Even now, as he before three of Starfleet’s Admirals, Julian had to fight to keep his anger and frustration from showing on his face. What right did these people have to judge him? He didn’t choose to undergo genetic resequencing, but it had happened, and Julian was devoted to using his abilities to helping people. Few people had accomplished the things he had, yet his superiors still mistrusted him. That idea stirred up feelings that Julian didn’t realize he had. Still, he had to keep those feelings under control. He didn’t want to give the Admirals any reason to think poorly of him.

Admiral Strickler was the first to speak. Gesturing at the padds that lay before him and his colleagues, he said, “I must admit, Doctor, the work you’ve done here is quite impressive.”

“Thank you, sir.”

T’Lara interrupted, her cool tone cutting into Julian. “However, it does not give us the answer we need. Why should we break the Eugenics Laws for you?”

Julian took a deep breath. “I’m not asking you to break the law, but to make an exception regarding one of its clauses.”

“Allowing someone with your abilities to reproduce can hardly be considered a small exception,” Bennett said. “We have been more than lenient with you already.”

“And I’m grateful for that, but surely by now I’ve proved that I am not a threat to the Federation.”

“Perhaps,” T’Lara conceded. “But we cannot make the same assumption toward any child of yours.”

Julian knew that what happened next would be crucial in deciding his fate. “Do you have children, Admiral?”

T’Lara raised her eyebrows. “I fail to see how that is relevant, Doctor.”

“But it is.” Julian stood up, making sure he had the attention of everyone in the room. “Did you know what your children would be like? What their interests would be? What would make them happy or angry? No, I don’t think you did. No parent can possibly predict what their children will be like, and you can’t say what my child would be like either. True, my genetic enhancements may give my children an advantage, but we don’t know what they would use that advantage for.”

Strickler opened his mouth to speak, but Julian continued. “You may say that is what would make my children all the more dangerous, so I ask you to look at your children again. Do they resemble you in their personalities? All children choose their paths based on their parents. You said it yourself; I am not a threat to you. I have dedicated my life to helping people, and so has my wife. She is one of the kindest, caring people I know, and any child would be lucky to have her as a mother. If you want to try to predict what type of people our children would be, just look at us, and what we’ve done with our lives.

“We are not asking you to condone genetic engineering, but to give us a chance to live like regular people. If you must, make observations of our children as they grow up. Trust that they will not end up like Khan Singh. Trust us. Trust me.”

The Admirals were silent after Julian finished his speech. Finally, Bennett said, “You’ve given us a lot to think about, Doctor. We’ll inform you once we’ve made our decision. Dismissed.”

* * *

“It’s been three days,” Ezri complained. “You think they would’ve made up their minds by now.”

Julian shrugged, watching Ezri pace around their hotel room in San Francisco. “I’m taking it as a good sign. If they didn’t care about what I had to say, we would’ve gotten our answer in less than an hour, and it wouldn’t have been a good one. The fact that they’re taking so long to make a decision means that they’re actually taking what I said seriously, which is better for us.”

Ezri sighed and flopped down on the bed next to Julian. “If you say so; you are the smart one. So, what are we going to do today? And don’t say we’re going to visit another museum.”

“I thought you enjoyed Earth history.”

“Sometimes, but I’ve had enough history to last me another eight lifetimes. We haven’t had this kind of free time since our honeymoon; let’s do something fun!”

Julian couldn’t help but grin at Ezri's complaints. “Well, you’re in luck. You won’t have to suffer through any boring history lesson today.”

“Really? Where are we going?”

“It’s a surprise.”

“It’s not the Alamo, is it? I swear, if you take me there, I will never speak to you again.”

“No, of course not. I’m saving that trip for Miles.”

Ezri rolled her eyes. “Well, isn’t that sweet of you. Maybe we should’ve brought him with is.”

“I considered it, but you said it yourself, this is the closest thing we’ve had to a vacation in over a year.” Julian punched some coordinate into the room’s transporter. “Now, are you coming or not?”

Ezri rolled off the bed and went to stand on the transporter pad. “I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.”

Julian joined her. “That’s the spirit. Energize.”

When they re-materialized, the pair was almost blinded by the bright afternoon sun. Raising a hand to shield her eyes from the glare, Ezri asked, “Where are we?”

“Boma National Park, a nature reserve in Sudan that’s over 300 years old. My aunt used to have a house near here, and she took me here whenever I visited.”

Ezri raised an eyebrow. “So this is a sentimental nature hike then?”

“We could always find a museum if you’re not interested.”

“Oh, no, this is much better. I can only imagine all the psychological insights this will give me on your childhood.” Julian groaned comically, causing Ezri to laugh. “Come on, let’s get going before a bear tries to eat us.”

“They don’t have bears in Africa, Ezri.”

“What about tigers?”

“That’s Asia.”

“Lions?”

“We do have those.”

“Oh, good. I guess this won’t be so boring after all.”

* * *

Julian enjoyed showing Ezri around one of the few remaining glimpses into Earth’s natural past. She was fascinated by a cheetah they saw relaxing on a rock, and spent several moments tracing the patterns of its spots with her eyes. Little did she know that Julian had stayed up many a night doing the same thing to her as she slept. They traveled the rugged terrain hand-in-hand, talking of nothing in particular. With their busy lives, moments such as these were rare. It was nice for Ezri and Julian just to spend some time together and not have to worry about anything. It wasn’t until the sun had begun to sink in the sky that the real reason that they were on Earth was brought up.

“What are you going to do if they decide that you’re not allowed to have children?” Ezri asked.

Julian sighed. “There's nothing I can do. If they say no, then that's that. I’ll just have to accept it and try to move on. What about you?”

“Don’t worry about me; I’ll manage.” Ezri squeezed Julian's hand tighter. “I’m so proud of you.”

“Really?”

“Mmhmm. You did all this work, came all this way, and you never once gave up.”

“Well, you helped.”

“I wouldn’t say that. I just nagged you a little.”

“Oh, definitely a lot more than ‘a little.’”

Ezri gave Julian a playful shove. “It’s always a joke with you, isn’t it? You’re impossible.”

Julian smiled down at her. “That’s why you love me.”

“Something like that.”

Just then, one of the park rangers materialized a few feet in front of them. “Are you Doctor Bashir?” he asked.

Exchanging a quick glance with Ezri, Julian answered, “Yes, I am.”

“We just received a message from an Admiral Bennett, looking for you. He wants you to report to Starfleet Headquarters immediately.”


	9. Chapter 9

Julian’s heart was pounding as he walked through the halls of Starfleet Command. It took all of his self-control not to break into a run towards the room where the Admirals were waiting for him; the sooner he knew their decision, the better. The legal roadblock preventing him from having a baby was something that had plagued Ezri and Julian for almost two months, and they wanted nothing more than for this to be over. Julian just hoped that the answer the Admirals were going to give him was a good one.

When he and Ezri first embarked on this journey, Julian wasn't sure if he was ready for children. Originally, the whole purpose of this was to prepare for the future, for the possibility that Julian might change his mind about children. But something had changed in Julian during the process, and he didn’t realize it until now. It wasn’t until he was directly faced with the possibility of not being able to have a family did Julian realize how much he wanted one. Growing up, his own family life had been complicated, and he knew Ezri’s wasn't much better. Their bad experiences could affect how they would raise a child, but Julian wanted nothing more than to try. Part of him wished that he hadn’t made Ezri go wait for him on the runabout so he could tell her this, but he knew it wouldn’t do any good. Such a declaration would only make it worse if Julian didn’t get permission to have children.

Julian now stood before a set of closed doors, behind which three Admirals were waiting to deliver his fate, He couldn’t remember ever feeling so nervous. Taking a deep breath, Julian pressed the door chime, and the doors slid open to admit him.

Bennett, Strickler, and T’Lara were seated behind a large desk, their faces showing no sign of what their decision was. Strickler gestured to the empty seat in front of them. “Have a seat, Doctor.” After Julian was seated, he continued. “We have given your request a considerable amount of thought, and we have reached a decision.”

Julian nodded as T’Lara began to speak. “The Eugenics Laws were created for a reason, Doctor, and it is imperative that you understand those reasons. When your species attempted to improve themselves through artificial means, Humanity was nearly destroyed. Even after genetic resequencing was banned, the consequences of that era continued to haunt not only Earth, but the rest of the quadrant. Khan Singh would have destroyed all the Federation stands for, and people like him cannot be permitted to exist.”

Julian’s heart sank. It sounded like they were going to refuse his request to have children. He didn’t even want to think about what this would do to Ezri. Bennett took over from where T’Lara left off. “We understand that you did not choose to undergo genetic resequencing, and we respect the work that you have done, but you must understand our caution. There is the risk that your children could destroy everything we have worked for. Still, the information you provided us has given us reason to reconsider our position.

“Your data claims that the effects of enhanced DNA diminish from each generation, and that your wife’s alien DNA would help to suppress it as well. Our own experts have confirmed this, and the results appear promising. Therefore, we have decided to grant your request.”

Before Julian could say anything, Strickler added, “This decision also comes with limitations, Doctor. Your children will not be permitted to serve in Starfleet or any government positions. They will also have to undergo genetic and psychological testing for the duration of their lives. If Starfleet determines that they are a threat, then they will have the authority to assume full custody. This is our offer. Do you accept?”

Much to his surprise, Julian hesitated. He hadn’t expected to be given permission to have children, if one could even call Starfleet’s offer that, and now he wasn't sure if he wanted to accept. If he did, he would be forcing his children to live a life of mediocrity and would risk losing them if they tried to exceed the limits placed on them. Could he really do that to his children? Briefly, Julian considered demanding that he be given the same rights as any parents and that his children be treated as equal citizens of the Federation. They would most likely refuse him, and if they did, he would continue to fight them to the bitter end. The he thought of Ezri, and how much she wanted to have a family, a desire that he shared as well. He knew he wasn't going to get a better offer.

Julian nodded. “I accept.”

* * *

The moment Julian materialized aboard the _Ganges_, Ezri was standing right next to him, her face anxious. “Well? What did they say?”

Julian avoided the question. “I need a drink.”

“That’s it? That’s all you’re gonna say?”

“Until I have my drink, yes. One Saurian brandy,” he ordered from the replicator. He drowned the golden liquid in one gulp.

Ezri watched him impatiently. “Well?”

“Well, what?”

“Julian, this isn’t funny!” Ezri cried. “What did they say?”

Unable to go on teasing her, Julian grinned at Ezri. “They said yes.”

Ezri’s hands flew to her mouth. “Are you serious?”

“Yes, I am.”

Squealing in delight, Ezri launched herself at Julian, and he spun her around the small cabin. “You did it!” she laughed. “Oh, I knew you could do it!”

Julian grew serious, releasing Ezri. “Not exactly. There is a catch.”

The smile slid off Ezri's face. “What do you mean?”

“Well, our children can’t serve in the government or Starfleet, and they’ll be psychologically tested constantly to see if they pose a threat. If Starfleet decides that they do, they can take them away from us.”

Ezri bit her lip. “Tennet thought something like this would happen. We’ll just have to cross that bridge if and when we come to it. The important thing is that we can have children!”

Julian sat Ezri down, kneeling before her. “I actually wanted to talk to you about that.”

“Oh?”

“Yes.” Julian took a deep breath before continuing. “I know that when this all started, I told you that I wasn’t ready for a family. That I wanted to wait a few years.”

“And now?” Ezri asked, her face expectant.

“I didn’t realize how much this whole business would affect me. I didn’t realize how much I wanted children until I was faced with the possibility of never having them.” Julian paused for a moment. “I’m ready to have a family if you are. What do you say?”

In response, Ezri kissed Julian, a kiss so deep that it seemed to touch his soul. When she pulled away, she whispered, “I say yes.”


	10. Chapter 10

Miles grinned as the dartboard lit up in response to his latest throw. “See if you can beat that.”

Julian lined up his shot, smirking. “Shouldn’t be too difficult; you’ve been slacking lately.” He let out a triumphant hiss as the dart hit close to the center.

Miles shook his head, a devious plan forming in his mind. “So,” he asked casually. “Everything okay with you?”

Julian gave Miles a glance out of the corner of as he threw his second dart. “What do you mean?”

“Are you and Ezri having any luck with the two of you having a baby?”

Miles’ question threw Julian so off-guard that his third dart missed the board entirely. He glared at his friend as he went to collect his darts. “I know what you’re doing.”

“Can’t I ask a simple question?”

“You’re trying to distract me so you can win.”

Miles chuckled as he lined up his first shot. “You didn’t answer my question.”

“It’s really none of your business.”

“Then you never should have told me about it,” Miles countered. “You’ve been trying for what, three months now?”

Julian watched Miles throw his remaining darts, a small frown on his face. “I’m Human, she’s Trill; it makes things more difficult, that’s all.”

“I see,” Miles said as he collected his darts. “At least it gives the rest us time to prepare.”

“What?”

“You and Ezri as parents? You’re like a pair of kids yourselves.”

Julian glared at Miles. “Don’t you have to leave for Bajor?”

“Not for a few more hours. Besides, this is more fun.”

“I’m so glad,” Julian said sarcastically. “Can I take my turn now?”

Miles stepped aside. “Someone's a little touchy.”

Julian rapidly threw his darts, smirking at the dumbfounded expression on Miles’ face as they all landed near the center. “And someone just lost.”

* * *

Aria lay stretched out in one of maintenance conduits, watching Nog as he worked. “Can you fix it?”

“Of course I can fix it. I’m an engineer.”

“Then why isn’t it fixed yet?”

Nog glared at her. “Because you keep distracting me. Now be quiet and let me do my job.”

Aria giggled, but before she could continue teasing the young Ferengi, a voice sounded from outside the conduit. “Lieutenant Mahoney?”

With a sigh, Aria crawled backwards out of the conduit. A stout Bolian was waiting for her, a stern expression on her face. It was Commander K’Tora Talis, the station’s Chief Tactical Officer and head of Starfleet Security, as well as the bane of Aria’s existence. “Yes, Commander?” Aria asked, forcing her voice to sound pleasant.

“Lieutenant, I never received your report on the weapons systems of the _Defiant_.”

“I gave it to Odo two days ago, sir. Is there something wrong with that?”

“The _Defiant _is a Starfleet vessel, and all matters concerning Starfleet are to be reported directly to me, not the Constable. Understood?”

Aria’s voice was cool as she replied, “Yes, sir.”

“Make sure that it doesn’t happen again,” Talis snapped before turning on her heel and marching back down the corridor.

Aria watched her go, shaking her head in disgust. Nog poked his head out of the maintenance hatch. “You sure told her.”

“Oh, shut up.”

“I wonder why she has such a problem with you filing Starfleet reports to Odo.”

“Because Starfleet has never trusted Odo to get the job done. It’s ridiculous; no one can do this job better than he can. I thought you still had work to do?”

Nog climbed out of the conduit and replaced the hatch. “All done. The subspace transceiver is up and running.”

“Good.” Aria headed down the hall, Nog close behind her.

“So, when are you getting that important message you’re so anxious about?” Nog asked.

“What makes you think I’m expecting a message?”

“Because you only bother me about repairs if there’s something in it for you.”

Aria chuckled. “And your uncle says you lack the Ferengi instinct for noticing detail. It’s not that important; just a progress report on Project Pathfinder.”

“Isn’t that...?”

“The mission to bring _Voyager _back from the Delta Quadrant.” Aria finished. “A friend of mine from the Academy is working on it, and he keeps me updated on their progress.”

“Have they made any?”

“Not really,” Aria sighed. “They haven’t even been able to contact _Voyager _since that whole incident with the EMH.”

Nog gave Aria a sympathetic glance as they entered the upper level of the Promenade. “Are you worried about your sister?”

Aria shrugged. “Areli can handle herself. I just wish Starfleet would stop getting out hopes up; it only makes things worse, especially if we never see them again.”

“That’s a pretty miserable way to look at it.”

“Speaking of misery, do you know what’s going on with Shar? He’s more gloomy than usual, plus, I think he’s avoiding me.”

Nog’s eyes lit up. “I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that. You see, I think-.”

“Stop! Stop, thief!”

Aria and Nog both turned toward the source of the commotion on the Promenade. One of the Bajoran shopkeepers was chasing a Markalian male, screaming at him to stop. Aria swore under her breath. “Stay here,” she told Nog. “I’ll handle this.” She raced down one of the nearby staircases, calling for backup on her combadge as she did. She stood directly in the path of the fleeing man. “Just where do you think you’re-?”

Without warning, he thief pulled a knife and stabbed Aria in the stomach. She fell to her knees, unable to stop the man as he raced past her. She stared down at the knife that was still inside her, watching blood spill out of the wound. Faintly, Aria could hear someone screaming her name. Was it Nog? She couldn’t tell; she could barely think. People were clamoring around her, their voices raised in alarm. Aria thought she saw Doctor Bashir moving towards her. Then she saw nothing at all.

* * *

Shar burst into the Infirmary, his antennae flailing. “What happened?” he demanded.

Nog hastened to explain. “There was a robbery on the Promenade. Aria tried to stop it, but she was stabbed. Doctor Bashir’s with her now.”

Shar's face was pale. “Will she die?”

“Aria?” Nog snorted. “I doubt it. After everything she’s been through she won’t let a knife wound kill her.”

Just then, Doctor Bashir appeared. Shar immediately turned to him. “Is she all right?”

Bashir nodded. “It’ll be a few days before she’s back on her feet, but she’ll be fine.”

Nog stood beside Shar. “Can we see her?”

Bashir hesitated, then nodded. “Alright, but just for a few minutes.”

Aria was sitting up when Shar and Nog entered the room. When she saw them, she rolled her eyes. “I should’ve known you two would be here. You’re like a pair of mother hens.”

Shar approached her bed, his eyes full of concern. “How are you feeling?”

Aria waved a dismissive hand. “Oh, I’m fine. Did they catch that Markalian?”

“He barely got five meters before Odo tackled him,” Nog answered.

Aria grinned. “Sorry I missed it.”

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Shar asked.

“Stop fussing, Shar; I told you I'm fine. Besides, do you really think I’d lose another bet to Nog?”

“What bet?” Shar asked, glancing from Aria to Nog. “What are you talking about?”

“Nog bet me that I wouldn’t last five years before I got myself killed,” Aria explained.

“At the rate you’re going, I’ll win within a few weeks,” Nog said dryly.

Shar stared at them in disbelief. “Are you serious?”

“Relax, Shar,” Aria chided. “I’m kidding.”

“Is that all this is to you, a joke?” Shar demanded, his antennae flat against his scalp. “See how long it will take for you to die? What’s next; are you going to jump in that station’s reactor just to see what will happen?”

“What’s wrong with you?” Aria snapped.

Before Shar could respond, Nog grabbed his arm and dragged him out of the Infirmary. “He’s fine; he just hasn’t had his coffee yet. We’ll see you later.”

Once they were away from the Infirmary, Nog pushed Shar behind one of the pillars lining the Promenade. “What was that all about?”

Shar was seething. “You heard her; she doesn’t care if she lives or dies.”

“Don’t be stupid; of course she does,” Nog snapped. “She only acts that way so people won’t worry about her.” The fight seemed to drain out of Shar, and he slumped against the pillar. “What’s really going on?”

“You were right,” Shar whispered hoarsely.

“About what?”

Shar's eyes were filled with a strange sadness. “About Ari. I do love her.” He stared off into space. “I tried to fight it; I didn’t even want to admit it to myself. Then I heard that she had been hurt, and I…” His voice trailed off. “It wasn't until I almost lost her did I realize how much I really cared. I love her, Nog.”

“You should tell her,” Nog suggested.

Shar shook his head. “No. That is something I can never do.”

“But you said-.”

“I know what I said, but you know Ari; you know what she's like. If I tell her how I feel, she’ll reject me. Besides, I’m not supposed to love her. If my family or my bondmates found out, the shame that I would bring upon them would be immense. No, Ari can never know. I will have to find some way to overcome my feelings.” Shar gave Nog a stern look. “And you are not allowed to tell her, either.”

“But-.”

“I mean it, Nog.”

Nog held up his hands in surrender. “If that’s what you want, but I think you’re making a mistake.”

“Perhaps, but it is my mistake to make.”

* * *

Julian could hear the computer signaling that it was time for him to get up, but he wasn't ready to do that just yet. Fortunately, Ezri silenced the alarm before it could continue annoying him. She pressed her lips to his temple. “Good morning,” she murmured.

Julian smiled, but his eyes remained closed. He was so comfortable lying here that he wasn't ready for it to end. He felt the mattress shift as Ezri got up and listened as her footsteps receded into the bathroom. Julian stayed where he was, going over his plans for the day. He needed to make sure Lieutenant Mahoney’s injuries had healed sufficiently before he released her to her quarters. He hoped that they had; Mahoney seemed to take perverse pleasure in irritating him. Then he wanted to run a few experiments on protein replication, and after that…

A loud gasp sounded from the bathroom. Suddenly Ezri was back on the bed, urgently shaking Julian. “Julian! Julian, wake up!”

Julian sat bolt upright. “What is it?”

Ezri pulled at the neckline of her nightgown, making the spots on her neck and shoulders more visible. “Look!”

Julian rubbed sleep from his eyes. “Look at what?”

“My spots,” Ezri said impatiently. “Look at my spots.”

Julian gave her spots a glance, then took a closer look. “They’ve turned black. Are you having some kind of allergic reaction?”

Ezri stared at him in disbelief. “You seriously don’t know?”

Julian flopped back down on the bed, groaning. “Ezri, it’s too early for this. What’s going on?”

Ezri explained as patiently as she could, though she was bouncing up and down in excitement. “When the spots of a female Trill turn black, it usually means that they’re pregnant.”

The words had to sink in before Julian realized what Ezri was saying. He sat up, staring at her with wide eyes. “Do you mean-?”

Ezri beamed at him. “We’re going to have a baby!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just love to hurt my baby Shar I don't know what's wrong with me


	11. Chapter 11

Julian stared at Ezri in disbelief. “A baby? Are… are you sure?”

Ezri pretended to think about it, stilling grinning. “Well, I’ve been pregnant five times, so yeah, I’m sure.” Julian leapt out of bed and began to search the room. “What are you doing?”

“Looking for a tricorder.”

“It’s just going to confirm what I already told you.”

“Humor me,” Julian shot back. He managed to get his hands on a standard tricorder and ran it over Ezri’s abdomen, ignoring her eye-roll. A wide smile spread slowly across his face. “According to this, you’re almost two weeks pregnant.”

“I told you,” Ezri said in a singsong voice.

Dropping the tricorder, Julian scooped Ezri up in a crushing hug. “We’re going to have a baby,” he murmured, dazed. “I can’t believe it.”

Ezri giggled and hugged him back. “What do you think we’ve been trying to do for the past few months?” Julian released her, staring at her intently. “What is it?”

Julian stroked her hair. “I just love you, that’s all.” He captured her lips in a searing kiss, and Ezri kissed him back with just as much passion. She had never felt so wonderful. Julian reluctantly pulled away. “I want you to see Doctor Girani sometime today.”

“Why?”

“Well, you are pregnant. I Girani to make sure everything’s okay, and since the baby is half-Human and half-Trill there are certain precautions we have to take. Also-.”

Ezri sighed. She had a feeling that something like this would happen when she and Julian agreed to start a family. “Julian,” she interrupted. “I’m going to tell you something very important. Are you listening to me?” Julian nodded. “You are not allowed to be a doctor for this baby. Do I make myself clear?”

“I’m only-.”

“You’re fussing, and if you keep it up, this pregnancy is going to be very unpleasant for both of us. Don’t worry about medical statistics or reports; just enjoy the fact that you’re going to be a father.”

Julian smiled wryly. “You make it sound so easy.”

“Please? For me?”

Julian relented with a sigh. “Alright, I’ll try. But you really should see Doctor Girani as soon as possible.”

“I don’t have time today. I have several appointments scheduled, and we have that dinner with Kira and Odo tonight.”

“But you will see her tomorrow?”

“If it will make you happy, yes, I will,” Ezri teased.

“I’m already happy,” Julian murmured. “Unbelievably happy.” He kissed Ezri gently, then again, and again. “What time is your first appointment?” he asked in between kisses.

“Not for a couple of hours,” Ezri moaned, delighting in his touch.

Julian scooped Ezri up into his arms and carried her back to the bed. “Good,” he said as he lowered onto it. “Because I intend to enjoy this experience to the fullest.”

* * *

Julian remained in a happy daze for the rest of the day. A baby, he and Ezri were going to have a baby! The very thought sent warm feeling flooding through him. He wondered what the child would look like, if it would be a boy or a girl. Would it take after Ezri, or would it be more like him? Julian wished he could tell Miles the news, but his friend was on Bajor repairing one of industrial replicators the Federation loaned them and wouldn’t be back for a few more days. That didn’t help to suppress Julian’s desire to announce to the entire station that he was going to be a father. Unfortunately, he couldn’t really do that right now. He and Ezri had just finished dinner with Kira and Odo and now the four of them were relaxing in the Colonel’s quarters. What Julian really wanted was to be alone with Ezri, to talk about the baby and the future, but right now, his social obligations took precedence.

Kira was frowning at Odo. “Are you all right?” Odo nodded, though he did seem distracted.

Ezri was concerned as well. “Are you sure? You’ve been acting strange all evening.”

“Stranger than usual,” Julian added, causing Ezri to elbow him in the ribs.

Odo ignored the jibe. “It’s just… you look different, Counselor.”

“What, did I spill something on myself?”

“No, it’s your spots; they’ve turned black. A Changeling notices such things.”

Julian tried to hide his grin as Ezri turned to him, her eyes wide with mick surprise. “Really? Julian, do my spots look different?”

Julian played along. “Why, yes, now that you mention it.”

Kira watched them curiously. “What’s going on?”

Ezri waved a dismissive hand. “It’s nothing. Oh, did you ever get those tickets for Varani’s concert on Bajor?”

“No, it sold out in a couple of hours. Are the two of you hiding something?”

Julian laughed. “Should we tell them?” he asked Ezri.

“Tell us what?”

Ezri shrugged. “I don’t see why not. They’re going to find out eventually.”

Kira’s patience was shrinking rapidly. “Find out what?”

Julian grinned at the irritated Bajoran. “Ezri's pregnant.”

Odo’s eyes widened. “Congratulations.”

Kira squeezed Ezri’s hand. “I didn’t know the two of you were trying to have a baby.”

Ezri smiled. “It’s not exactly something you announce over the loudspeaker. Of course,” she added with and eye roll, “Julian told Miles all about it.”

Kira laughed. “What are you going to do, Julian; take your baby on your Alamo adventures?”

Ezri almost choked on her tea from laughter as Julian glared at Kira. “Of course not!”

“What about the Indiana Jones program?” asked Odo.

“No!” Julian exclaimed while Ezri giggled hysterically. “I’m not going to take my baby to the holosuite; that’s absurd.”

“You’re just mad because you didn’t think of it first,” Ezri said, wiping a tear of mirth from her eye.

Julian slumped in his seat. “Your lack of faith in me is really quite fascinating.”

“Relax, Doctor,” Odo reassured him. “I’m sure you and the Counselor will make fine parents.”

Ezri shared a smile with Julian. “We’ll find out sooner or later.”

* * *

Julian frowned at the chronometer in his office, which indicated that it was 1113. Ezri promised that she would come in for a prenatal examination, but she should have been here thirteen minutes ago. She seemed much more relaxed towards her pregnancy than Julian, which was understandable considering that she carried the memories of the host who had been mothers. He just hoped she would be patient with him, as this was his first baby and he was still trying to get used to it.

“Knock, knock.” Ezri poked her head into Julian’s office. “You busy?”

Julian shook his head. “Just waiting for you.”

“Sorry.” Ezri entered the room and gave him a quick kiss. “There was a bit of a commotion on the Promenade.”

“Everything okay?”

“Oh, yeah, everything's fine. Morn was just reciting some poetry he wrote for Ensign Valentine.”

Julian cringed. “How bad was it?”

“I’ve heard worse; but she seemed to love it. Promise me you’ll never do anything like that.”

“Don’t worry; I’ll find some other way to embarrass you.” Ezri laughed as Julian continued. “Do you want to get some lunch after this? Someplace nice and quiet, just the two of us?”

“It’s not just the two of us anymore,” Ezri reminded him.

Julian ran a hand gently over Ezri’s stomach. “That’s perfectly fine with me.”

Ezri opened her mouth to say something, but just then, Doctor Girani Semma appeared. “Counselor, I thought I heard you. Are you ready?”

“As ready as I’ll ever be.” Ezri followed Girani into the examination room, Julian right behind her. “Don’t you have something more important to do?” Ezri asked him as she hopped up onto one of the biobeds.

“Not at the moment,” Julian answered, leaning on the edge of her bed.

Girani chuckled as she began to scan Ezri. “He’s been like this all morning, getting in everyone's way.”

“Figures. He’s such a worrier,” Ezri sighed.

Julian pretended to be offended. “This is still my Sickbay, and if I want to be a ‘worrier,’ then so help me-.”

“That can’t be right,” Girani suddenly murmured, frowning at her tricorder.

“What is it?” Ezri asked, concerned.

“Counselor, I’m so sorry, but… you’re not pregnant. At least, not anymore.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Miscarriage

"Counselor, I'm so sorry, but… you're not pregnant. At least, not anymore."

Julian was the first to react. “What do you mean? I scanned her myself just yesterday.” He voice was tense, angry, and slightly frightened.

Girani gestured to her tricorder. “I’m sure you did, Doctor, but my scans aren’t picking up anything.”

“Put them on the monitor,” Julian ordered, moving around a frozen Ezri to stand by Girani. He had gone into full doctor-mode, determined to find out what was wrong and how to fix it. Girani put the results of the scan on the main viewer for Julian to see, and he examined them closely. There was evidence of hormones produced by Trills during pregnancy in Ezri’s bloodstream, but there was no other indication that she was or ever had been pregnant. Ice spread through Julian’s veins. Their baby was gone. “How did this happen?” he whispered hoarsely.

Girani tried to offer an explanation. “I did find evidence of an unusual enzyme in her bloodstream. The computer’s identified it as kyrosonine.”

“And it’s purpose?”

Ezri had remained silent throughout the entire exchange, but now she spoke up. Her voice was unusually quiet. “It’s a compound produced by a symbiont when it rejects a host.” She took a shaky breath before continuing. “There have been incidents when a host’s child is incompatible with the symbiont, so it rejects the baby before it can endanger it. The baby needs the symbiont to survive during the initial stage of its development, and without it…”

Julian approached Ezri, his tone that of disbelief. “Are you saying Dax did this?” Eyes closed, Ezri nodded.

Sensing that Ezri and Julian wanted to be alone, Girani quietly left the room. As devastated as Julian was by this turn of events, his primary concern was Ezri. He took her hand. “Are you okay?”

Ezri opened her eyes and nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine.” Her voice was light, which made Julian know that she wasn’t.

He rested his forehead against hers. “I’m so sorry.”

Ezri shifted slightly, just enough to put some distance between her and Julian. “This isn’t your fault.” She slid off the biobed. “I… I should get back to my office. There’s some work I need to finish.”

“Ezri,” Julian caught her arm. “You don’t have to go back to work. Go home; get some rest.”

Ezri gave him a sad smile. “You know I can’t do that.” She gently removed Julian’s hand. “I just need something to do, something to…” her voice broke. Julian moved to embrace her, but she turned and walked out of the Infirmary. Julian wanted to chase after her, but he let her go. They both needed to deal with their pain in their own way. If Ezri wanted to be alone, then Julian would keep his distance, even though he wanted nothing more than to hold her close and never let her go.

* * *

Ezri tried to focus on her padd, but the words kept blurring together. Trying to use work as a distraction clearly wasn’t working. Ezri sighed and rested her head on her desk, catching a glimpse of herself in the reflective surface. Her spots were still black; it would probably be a few days before they started to fade back to their normal color. Fighting the sudden urge to claw those spots off her face, she pushed her chair away from the desk. She had no idea how to deal with the emotions that were swirling inside her; none of her hosts had ever experienced anything like this. Her baby, her precious baby, was gone. She didn’t even know if it had been a boy or a girl.

The door chime sounded, scattering Ezri’s anguished thoughts. “Come in,” she called, forcing her voice to sound normal. Much to her surprise, it was Worf. Jadzia’s husband had never visited Ezri in her office before. “What can I do for you, Worf?”

Worf began speaking without preamble, as was his usual style of conversation. “Colonel Kira just informed me that you are pregnant.”

Ezri felt her entire body go numb. “She did?”

“Yes, and while I understand your reasons for not telling me sooner, I want you to know that I am happy for you. I am sure Jadzia… why are you crying?”

Ezri furiously wiped at her tears, not having realized they were there. “It’s nothing, Worf.”

“Perhaps I should come back later.”

“No!” Ezri stood up, suddenly desperate for company. “I… I don’t want to be alone right now.”

“I still do not understand why you are so upset.”

“I’m not pregnant anymore, Worf. Dax rejected my baby.” Saying those words brought a fresh wave of tears to Ezri’s eyes.

“I did not know. My condolences.”

Anger replaced Ezri's grief. “Damn it, Worf, I don’t want your condolences! My baby is dead, and Dax killed it!” The tears were falling freely now. “Dax has never rejected a baby until now, until me. I gave up everything I was to be Joined, to save Dax, and I’ve gotten nothing in return. I should’ve let it die onboard the _Destiny_!”

Worf had remained silent during Ezri’s tirade. Now he spoke. “What would that accomplish?”

“Well, my baby would be alive, for starters!”

“And who would be its father? I highly doubt that you would have married Doctor Bashir if you had not Joined with Dax.”

“Dax killed Julian’s baby as well,” Ezri shot back.

“How is the Doctor? I assume that he is as affected as you are by the loss of your child.”

Ezri lowered herself onto the floor. “I don’t know. I can’t even look at him without wanting to cry. This is all my fault.”

Worf sat next to her, his voice uncharacteristically gentle. “No, it is not. You did not choose to reject this baby; it was Dax. You cannot hold yourself responsible.”

“It’s not fair,” Ezri sobbed. “We went through so much just to get permission to have a baby, and now this happens.”

Worf tried another attempt to comfort Ezri. “There is nothing preventing you and Doctor Bashir from having another baby.”

“You don’t understand. I can’t just replace this baby with another. I only knew I was pregnant for a day, but I already loved my baby. I spent that day dreaming about what my baby would be like, only to find out that it would never even get the chance to live. I’ll never know what it looked like; never get the chance to tell it how much I loved it.”

“Believe me,” Worf said. “I do understand.”

Ezri stared at him. “You and Jadzia were completely different. She wasn't pregnant when she dies. Don’t compare your grief to mine.”

“That was not my intent.”

“I know,” Ezri sighed. “I just… I just don’t know how to handle this. I spent years studying emotions and feelings, but I can’t even control my own. I want to cry, I want to break something, I want to run away and never come back.”

“Do not try to control them. They show how much you care.”

“I hate feeling this way,” Ezri whispered. “I wish it would all go away, but I know it’s going to be a long time before I feel like myself again.”

“Then I will be here for you, no matter how long it takes,” Worf vowed.

Ezri rested her head on Worf’s tall shoulder. “Thank you.” The pair remained where they were, Worf listening to Ezri as she cried, offering comfort the best he could. He owed her that much.

* * *

Julian couldn’t remember a worse day. He kept going over Ezri’s medical scans, trying to find out what went wrong. In the end, he could only find one conclusion; Dax’s rejection of the baby had no meaning. It was just something that occasionally happened to Joined Trills. Julian wished that he had been more insistent on Ezri seeing Girani yesterday; this whole incident could have been prevented. After Ezri left the Infirmary, he did some research on Trill miscarriages due to symbiont rejection. Much to his dismay, he discovered that there was a simple drug that dramatically reduced the risk of rejection. If he had known this sooner, he could have saved his baby’s life.

That wasn’t what disturbed Julian the most. It was why Dax rejected the baby. Relationships between Humans and Trills weren’t uncommon, but few involved Joined Trills. Through his research, Julian learned that rejection was more likely to occur if the parents were of two different species. It was his fault, he realized. His Human DNA was what caused Dax to reject the baby. He now knew how to prevent it from happening in the future, but how could he face Ezri knowing that he was responsible for the loss of this baby?

Julian stayed at his office as late as he possibly could. He wanted to be alone, to pretend this day never happened. Only the thought of what Ezri must being going through persuaded him to go home. As terrible as he felt, she must be feeling even worse. Julian had no idea what he would say to her, how he would even begin to comfort her. They had both suffered a terrible loss, and they would need each other to get through this.

When Julian got home, he found Ezri sitting on the windowsill, staring out at the stars. “Hey,” he said quietly.

Ezri didn’t look at him. “Hey,” she replied, her voice flat and emotionless.

Julian approached her carefully. “How are you feeling?”

Ezri opened and closed her mouth several times, but no sound emerged. She was still refusing to look at him. Julian gently turned her head to face him. When Ezri’s eyes met his, her lower lip began to quiver violently. She suddenly buried her face in Julian’s chest, sobbing uncontrollably.

Julian held her close, stroking her hair. “Shh,” he murmured, his own tears starting to fall down his face. “It’s okay, it’s okay. I’m here. It’s okay.”

Ezri and Julian did not try to fight their grief. They didn’t try to talk to each other. They simply held each other tight and cried for their baby.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Miscarriage

Kira frowned at Odo and Worf. “Is this all the two of you do; watch people as they eat?”

“The table is not the place for talk,” Worf argued. “It is where we enjoy the rewards of our hard work, not waste time discussing trivial matters.”

Kira let out a disbelieving laugh. “And I thought Odo took things seriously.”

“Nerys, you get irritated whenever someone interrupts you during your breakfast,” Odo said calmly. “Forgive me it I want to keep you happy.”

Kira spoke around the food in her mouth. “Fine, but Worf, you don’t have to stay if you don’t want to.”

“No, you invited me to eat with you. I will stay until you are finished.”

Odo and Kira shared an amused glance. “How kind of you,” he said.

Miles approached their table. “Good morning.”

Kira gave him a welcoming smile. “Good morning, Chief. Care to join us?”

“Thank you, Colonel.”

After Miles was seated, Kira asked, “Did everything go as planned on Bajor?”

“Yes, sir. It should be at least another ten years before those replicators need any more repairs.”

Kira sipped at her raktajino. “Let’s hope so.”

“Did anything interesting happen while I was away?”

Kira set down her mug, grinning. “Ezri and Julian are going to have a baby.”

Miles’ craggy face broke into a wide smile. “Really? That’s great!”

Worf slammed his glass down on the table, causing the others to stare at him. “Is something wrong, Commander?” Odo asked.

“You should not be discussing the personal lives of others,” Worf snapped.

“It’s not private, Ezri told me herself,” Kira argued. “Besides, you didn’t seem to mind when I told you yesterday.”

“That was before I talked to Dax. I do not think she would appreciate you spreading word of her pregnancy, especially now that-,” Worf broke off suddenly.

Miles leaned forward, curious. “Why? What happened?”

Worf was reluctant to reveal what had happened, but it may make things easier for Ezri if her friends knew what she was going through. Lowering his voice, he said, “Counselor Dax is no longer pregnant. She lost the baby.”

A horrified silence fell over the table. “You can’t be serious,” Miles whispered hoarsely.

Worf nodded solemnly. “The child was incompatible with the symbiont, and it was rejected.”

Miles immediately stood up. “I’m going to go see Julian.” He left the table.

“How is Ezri holding up?” Odo asked.

“She is… extremely upset.”

Kira buried her face inn her hands. “I feel terrible,” she moaned. “I told people about Ezri, and now this! What kind of friend am I?”

Odo tried to comfort her. “There’s no way you could’ve known; I’m sure Ezri will understand.”

“The poor thing. She and Julian were so excited. They don’t deserve this.”

“True, but it has happened,” Worf interjected. “They do not need, or want, our sympathy. All we can do for them is offer our friendship and support during this difficult time.”

* * *

Julian didn’t seem to notice when Miles entered the Infirmary. He was leaning over a set of test tubes, frowning at the computer as it displayed the results of whatever experiment he was running. Miles stood in the doorway, unsure of what to say. His friend had just suffered a terrible loss, one that Miles could never begin, or want to, understand. He had come close to losing a child once, when Keiko was in a runabout accident while she was pregnant with Kirayoshi, but that was completely different. Kira had been able to save Yoshi; there was no way for anyone to save Julian’s baby.

Miles cleared his throat, causing Julian to jump in surprise. “I thought it was impossible for someone to sneak up on you,” he said, trying to distract his friend with a joke.

It didn’t work. “I was busy,” Julian answered shortly, not looking at him.

Miles tried again. “What are you working on?”

Julian pressed a button on the computer screen aggressively, clearing it of all data. “Nothing important. At least, not anymore.”

It became clear to Miles that Julian was not going to discuss the loss of his baby voluntarily. “Worf told me what happened,” he said quietly.

Julian froze momentarily. “Well, it’s nice to know news still travels fast around here,” he said bitterly.

“How are you doing?”

“Fine, just fine. I’ve never felt better,” Julian snapped, his voice heavy with sarcasm.

Miles was quiet, watching Julian carefully. “Come one,” he said finally. “I’ll buy you a drink.”

For a moment, Julian looked like he was going to refuse. Then the anger drained out of him. Head low, he followed Miles as he led him to Quark’s.

It didn’t take long for Julian to open up to Miles. He barely got halfway through his synthehol before he began to talk. Miles let him speak without interruption. The pair didn’t usually discuss their feelings with each other, but it was obvious from the pain in Julian’s voice that this was just what he needed. It wasn’t fair, Miles mused as he listened. Julian and Ezri were wonderful people; they didn’t deserve this tragedy. Miles knew that Julian would be a wonderful father given the chance, and that chance had just been taken away from him. It just wasn’t fair.

Julian ran a hand through his hair. “I keep going over it,” he was saying. “I keep trying to find the cause, to explain why this happened. Everything time I come up with the same answer; this is all my fault.”

“You can’t blame yourself for this!” Miles protested.

“Part of the reason Dax rejected the baby was that it was half-Human. I should’ve seen this coming; I should’ve done something to prevent it!”

“There’s no way you could’ve predicted this,” Miles argued. “Despite all your genetic enhancements, you’re still Human.”

Julian let out a heavy sigh. “Maybe, but it doesn’t change anything. I wish there was something I could’ve done.”

“How’s Ezri holding up?” Miles asked.

“I don’t know,” Julian sighed. “Every time I try to talk to her about it, she just shuts down. I tried to get her to take today off, but she wouldn’t listen. It’s like she’s trying to pretend that nothing’s wrong. I hate seeing her like this,” he added.

“She just needs her space, Julian. She’ll talk when she’s ready.”

“I hope so, but I think-,” he broke off suddenly. Miles turned to see what had caused the interruption. Ezri had just entered the bar and was making her way towards them. “I thought you were going to be working all day,” Julian said as she drew closer.

Ezri shrugged as she sat down next to him. “I couldn’t concentrate; I needed a break.” She nodded at Miles. “Hi, Chief.”

“Hello, Ezri.” Mile wanted to say more, to offer some sort of comfort. Then he noticed how pale and tired Ezri looked, and remembered what Julian told him about Ezri not wanting to talk about the baby, so he remained silent. Julian seemed to forget that Miles was there, watching Ezri intently, as if he was trying to diagnose her with only his gaze. Ezri avoided his stare, watching the table instead.

The three of them sat in awkward silence, until Quark decided to drop by their table. I hear congratulations are in order,” he said, grinning.

Ezri looked up in surprise. “What?”

“You and the doctor are going to have a baby, right?” Quark didn’t seem to notice how Ezri’s face turned even paler, or how Julian’s fists suddenly clenched as he continued. “Morn just told me; it’s been a while since we had such good news around here.”

“Quark,” Miles said warningly, noticing the increasing the distress of his friends.

The Ferengi ignored him. “Do you know if it’s a boy or a girl yet? If you do, don’t tell anyone. The profit I could make from people betting on which it will be would be immense.”

Ezri stood up suddenly, rushing out of the bar without a word. Julian paused long enough to give Quark a murderous glare before chasing after her.

Quark turned to Miles, confused. “Do you think they want a share of the profit?”

Miles glared at Quark, unable to keep the contempt from his voice. “Ezri lost the baby, Quark.”

Quark’s look of confusion changed to one of shock. “I didn’t know! Morn’s the one who told me; I wonder if he knows his information is out of date. I should tell him.” He dashed off before Miles could stop him.

Miles sighed, staring down into his drink. There was no way he could stop people talking about Ezri and Julian, no matter how much he wanted to. He felt sorry for them; they were in for a rough few weeks.

“Ezri, Ezri wait!” Julian called after his wife, trying to get her to slow down. She ignored him, weaving through the throngs of people on the Promenade. Julian caught up with her, grabbing her arm to prevent her from escaping. “Ezri, please…”

“How many people?” Ezri demanded, her eyes filling with tears. “How many people know about this?”

Since they were near the Infirmary, Julian led Ezri into his office so they could talk more privately. “I don’t know,” he said once they were alone. “But considering how fast word travels around here…”

Ezri buried her face in her hands. “I can’t believe this.”

Julian tried to comfort her. “We’ll get through this.”

She didn’t seem to hear him. “Everyone’s going to be acting just like Quark, and I’m supposed to tell them what happened!”

“You don’t have to tell them anything; it’s none of their business. Besides,” Julian added bitterly. “I’m sure Quark and Morn will set the story straight.”

Ezri sank into Julian’s chair, tears leaking from her eyes. “I can’t believe this is happening.”

Julian knelt in front of Ezri, taking her hand. Even though he told Miles that he wanted to talk about his feelings, he needed to make sure Ezri was okay; she came first. “Tell me what you want me to do.”

“You can’t do anything. No one can.”

Julian hesitated before continuing. “I’ve figured out a way to prevent this from happening again. There’s nothing stopping us from trying again.”

“No!” Ezri cried, shaking her head violently. “I can’t just replace the baby we lost with another.”

“That’s not what I-.”

Ezri spoke over him. “I don’t want to try to have another baby, at least, not now. Please tell me you understand.”

Julian stared at Ezri. He wanted to past these feelings of grief, to move on with his life. As terrible as losing the baby was, he and Ezri couldn’t afford to let it control their lives. However, if Ezri needed time to recover, then he would give it to her. She came first, always. “I just want you to be happy,” he said simply, opening his arms to her.

Ezri accepted his hug, resting her head on his shoulder. “I wish I could be,” she whispered. “I really do.”

I’m here for you,” Julian reassured her. “No matter what you need, I’m here.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Miscarriage

Two months had passed since Dax rejected Ezri and Julian’s baby, but Ezri was still grieving as if it had happened yesterday. She was quiet, withdrawn, and rarely smiled. When she was on-duty, she managed to convince others that she had moved past her grief. It was in the privacy of her quarters did Ezri allow her true feelings to show, and there was nothing Julian said or did that helped her.

Julian was deeply concerned for Ezri. The woman he had married had disappeared, replaced by a hollow shell of who she used to be. Sometimes he would catch a glimpse of her, when one of their friends managed to make her smile. Unfortunately, such moments were rare and they never lasted long. Julian tried to be patient, to give her as much time as she needed to recover, but he didn’t know what else to do. He had been as affected as Ezri was by the loss of their baby, but had not been able to properly grieve. He couldn’t afford to let Ezri see the depths of his pain; he didn’t know what it would do to her. He had already lost his child; he wasn’t going to lose Ezri as well.

One day, everything changed. “I’ve made a decision,” Ezri said suddenly one evening, interrupting the silence that accompanied their decisions these days.

Julian glanced up from his barely touched meal. “About what?”

“I’ve decided to have my zhian’tara.”

Julian raised his eyebrows in surprise. “What brought this on?”

Ezri shrugged. “I don’t know, it just feels right to have it now.”

“Don’t you want to wait until Worf gets back from Kronos?”

Ezri shook her head. “I don’t want to put him through seeing Jadzia again, even if it is only someone carrying her memories. He come so far since she died; I don’t want to hurt him again.”

Julian felt a surge of annoyance. Why couldn’t Ezri show him the same concern and consideration she did Jadzia’s husband? Instead of voicing his irritation, he smiled. “Well, I think it’s a great idea. Are you going to have here?”

“Yes, I’ve already talked to Benjamin about it; the Guardian should be here sometime next week. He’s volunteered to be Joran again, so that’s been taken care of.”

“Do you want me to be Torias again?”

“No, it might be confusing to the hosts if they’re given the same people as when Jadzia had her zhian’tara. How about Curzon?”

Julian considered it. “Sure, why not? Do have any ideas on who else you want to use?”

“I have a few people that I’m thinking about asking. I’m not going to ask Odo though, considering what happened last time. I was thinking about asking Kira to be Jadzia, but I’m not sure if I want to anymore.”

“Why not? I’m sure she’ll say yes.”

Ezri fiddled with her fork. “She and Jadzia were so close; I don’t want to take away an opportunity for her to see her again.”

“Ezri,” Julian took her hand. “This isn’t about what we want, it’s about you. We’d all like to see Jadzia again, to say goodbye, but the most important thing is that you get to spend time with the past hosts. If you want Kira to be Jadzia, then ask her.”

Ezri thought about it. “Okay, I will.”

Julian nodded and resumed eating. This could be just what Ezri needed. Even though she could remember what each host was like, she couldn’t communicate with them like she could during the zhian’tara. Being able to talk to them, to get their advice, might help Ezri get her life back together. Also, he always wanted to say goodbye to Jadzia; this was the best chance he would ever get. Ezri’s zhian’tara would help them both, this Julian was sure of.

* * *

Ezri watched Julian as he slept, unable to go back to sleep herself. They would have to get ready for duty in a few hours, but Ezri would much rather spend the day like this. The quiet was such a relief; she didn’t have to worry about people staring or whispering behind her back. That was the worst part about losing the baby. Something that should have been private was public information, and it made moving past the miscarriage all the more difficult for Ezri.

Ezri reached out and gently stroked the bridge of Julian’s nose. He stirred slightly but did not wake. He looked so peaceful; it was a huge difference from the pain that had been lurking in his eyes for the past few months. Ezri knew that she was responsible for most of that pain, which made her feel even worse. She knew Julian hated watching her suffer, but for some reason, she couldn’t bring herself to ease his concerns. It hurt too much to talk about the baby, even to Julian. He couldn’t help her this time.

That was part of the reason Ezri wanted to have her zhian’tara now. Sometime having the memories and instincts of the past hosts wasn’t enough; Ezri needed to talk to them face to face. She had to decide what she wanted to do next. Ezri loved Julian very much, and she knew he loved her as well, but she was beginning to wonder if that was enough. Julian said that he could prevent Dax rejecting any more children, but what if he was wrong? What if this happened again? Ezri couldn’t live with herself if she continued to cause Julian pain.

She also wanted to know the creature inside of her, to decide if saving Dax was worth losing her baby. Every Trill, Joined or otherwise, had been taught that there was nothing more important than preserving the lives of the symbionts, and that lesson had been responsible for Ezri’s Joining. It also led to the death of her child. Ezri needed to be sure that the people who continued to live through Dax were everything they were supposed to be, that they deserved to live on through her. Ezri wanted nothing more than to move on with her life, but she couldn’t do that until she saw the other hosts for herself, until she faced Dax.

* * *

Ezri’s plan for the day was simple; talk to her friends and ask them if they would be willing to participate in her zhian’tara. It was the Guardian who suggested that Ezri use different people for her zhian’tara than Jadzia; if the past hosts thought that Ezri had committed Reassociation, then it would make things very difficult for her.

The first two people on her list were Miles and Keiko. Miles and Ezri had continued their friendship after Jadzia’s death, and she enjoyed spending time with Keiko while their husbands ran around in the holosuites. Ezri was relieved when she found them having breakfast on the Promenade. She was afraid that she might have to go to their quarters in order to talk them; seeing Molly and Kirayoshi would be a painful reminder of what she had lost.

Miles smiled at Ezri as she approached their table. “Good morning, Ezri.”

Ezri smiled back. “Good morning, Chief. Hello, Keiko. Is it all right if I join you?”

“Of course.” Ezri pulled up a chair from a neighboring table and sat down. “How are you doing?”

“I’m fine,” Ezri said defensively. When she realized that Keiko was just trying to be friendly, she added in a much gentler tone, “I’m fine. I wanted to ask the two of you something.”

“What is it?” Miles asked.

“Well, I’m planning on having my zhian’tara next week, and I was hoping the two of you would be willing to participate.”

Miles nodded enthusiastically. “Of course!”

“What do you want us to do?” Keiko asked.

“Well, Keiko, I was hoping that you would be Lela, and Miles, I would like you to be Torias.”

“That’s fine with me.”

“Isn’t Torias the one who made Julian burn his hand?” Miles asked.

Ezri grinned. “He also caused Julian to be sick from eating too many sand peas. Torias was very… impulsive.”

“Can’t wait,” Miles grumbled into his coffee.

Next on Ezri’s list was Nog. She managed to locate him around lunchtime at his usual table in Quark’s with Lieutenant Mahoney and Junior Lieutenant ch’Thane. Not wanting to intrude on them for long, Ezri paused by their table. “Sorry to interrupt, but Nog, can I talk to you for a minute?”

“What is it, Counselor?”

“Do you think you could embody one of my hosts for my zhian’tara?”

Nog hesitated. “I wouldn’t have to be a female, would I?”

Ch’Thane gave Nog a strange look. “Why would she do that?”

“Jadzia did it to my uncle when she had her zhian’tara,” Nog explained.

“Which is why he’s refusing to participate this time,” Ezri added.

Mahoney burst out laughing. “Any chance Jadzia recorded that, Counselor?”

Ezri gave her a disapproving look. “No, she didn’t. Don’t worry, Nog, I want you to be Tobin.”

“He’s a guy, right?”

Ezri couldn’t help but smile. “Yes, he is.”

“Then I’m in.”

Ezri gave him a kiss on the cheek, causing his ears to turn bright red. “Thanks, Nog.” She left as Mahoney laughed at the stunned expression on Nog’s face.

Ezri decided to wait until the next morning to talk to Prynn Tenmei. The energetic young Ensign often used Quark’s holosuites to exercise at the start of her day. Sure enough, Ezri found her jogging around a holographic track field the following morning.

Ezri liked Prynn; she was smart, cheerful, and a talented pilot. She was always friendly to Ezri whenever they passed each other in the hallway or on the Promenade. Plus, Ezri would enjoy having an athlete’s body. Prynn waved to Ezri as she circled back around the track. “Care to join me, Counselor?”

Ezri shook her head. “I don’t think I’ll be able to keep up.”

Prynn leaned on the railing separating her from Ezri. “Suit yourself. What can I do for you?”

“I was hoping that you would be willing to be a part of my zhian’tara.”

“What’s that?”

“It’s when a Trill gets to meet the past hosts of their symbiont. The host’s memories are transferred to another person; they virtually become that host.”

Prynn blinked in surprise. “And you want to use me?”

“Absolutely.”

“Why, thank you, Counselor. I’d be honored.”

Ezri had to talk to Kasidy next. Unfortunately, that meant she had to visit her quarters in order to see her. Ezri tried to ignore Rebecca as she toddled around the living room, focusing instead on the stories Kasidy was telling her. Jake was turning out to be a popular writer on Bajor, and her brother’s baseball team had made it to the championships. Finally, the conversation turned to Ezri. “I haven’t seen you in a while,” Kasidy said, catching Rebecca as she tumbled against her legs. “How are you holding up?”

Ezri gave her a weak smile. “I’ve been better.” She quickly changed the subject. “There’s something I wanted to ask you.”

“Ben mentioned that you were having your zhian’tara. Does it have something to do with that?”

“Yes, I was hoping that you would be Audrid.”

“I’d love to.” Kasidy gave Ezri a long look. “Are you sure you’re doing okay?”

Ezri hated when people asked her that, but she put on her brave face. “I’m fine, thanks. I have to go; there’s some things I need to take care of.” She left before Rebecca’s smiling face could make her cry.

There was just one more person Ezri needed to ask. She found Kira in Security talking to Odo. “Nerys, can I speak with you for a moment?”

“Of course, Ezri. What is it?”

Ezri glanced at Odo. For some reason, she suddenly felt uncomfortable. Fortunately, Odo took the hint. “I need to make sure the force fields for the holding cells are functionally properly. Excuse me.”

Ezri waited until Odo had left. “What’s going on?”

Ezri took a deep breath. “I was wondering if you would mind being Jadzia for my zhian’tara.” When Kira didn’t say anything, Ezri began babbling. “You don’t have to say yes. I’m sure you want to talk to Jadzia yourself. I can find someone else if-.”

“Ezri, stop.” Ezri fell silent immediately. “I can’t think of a greater honor than being Jadzia for your zhian’tara.”

Ezri breathed a sigh relief. The easy part was over. Now she just had to meet the others who had called themselves Dax.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Miscarriage

It wasn’t until Ezri met the Guardian at the airlock did she start to feel nervous. Not only was she about to meet the previous Dax hosts, but the Guardian’s judgmental gaze was making her uncomfortable. She assumed that he shared the opinion of the Symbiosis Committee that Ezri had no right to be on Deep Space 9 after Jadzia had spent so much time here. It was an old argument, one Ezri was tired of having. She didn’t care if the Symbiosis Committee or this scrawny old man disapproved of her; Deep Space 9 was her home, and she was going to stay here. The scary part was that Ezri wasn’t sure if this surge of determination came from her, or from one of the other hosts.

The Guardian, whose name was Kerin, set a brisk pace through the hall. “Where were you planning on having the _zhian’tara_ ritual?” he asked sharply.

“Um, in one of the recreational lounges. It’s in Section 34, Beta. I’d be happy to-.”

“That’s where Jadzia had her _zhian’tara_,” Kerin interrupted. “No, that simply won’t do. Find someplace else.”

Captain Sisko, who was walking with them, raised his eyebrows at Ezri before interceding on her behalf. “We can certainly find another space, but I doubt that simply changing the location of the ritual will prevent the other hosts from discovering that they’re on DS9.”

The Guardian sniffed. “Very well. I suppose it will have to do. Are you ready to begin the ceremony?”

Ezri jumped slightly. “For the most part.”

‘Then if you and your first participant will come to the recreational lounge in an hour, I’d like to get started as soon as possible.” He raised a hand as the Captain and Ezri tried to follow him into the turbolift. “No need to accompany me; I can find my own way.”

Ezri breathed a sigh of relief as the turbolift doors closed. “I’ll say this for Kerin; he’s not like any Guardian I’ve ever met.”

“He’s not like any Trill I’ve ever met,” Sisko observed.

“You’ve been lucky so far, Benjamin. My people are very private by nature, even to the point of being xenophobic. Most of them are pretty good at hiding it, but I guess this Guardian doesn’t like me very much.”

“That’s no excuse for him to be rude to you.”

Ezri shrugged. “I sort of expected it. My decision to stay here wasn’t exactly popular on Trill.” She was quiet for a moment. “I wonder how the other hosts will take it.”

“You’ve made the best of a situation that you totally unprepared for,” Sisko reassured her gently. “No one can fault you for that.”

Ezri gave her old friend a wry smile. “That doesn’t mean they won’t try.”

* * *

“_I’nora, ja’kala Dax. Ahian’shee Lela tanus rem. Gon’dar Ezri tor. Ezri, zhian’tara vok. Tu Dax, zhian’tani ress. Zhian’par, Lela garu’koj_.”

As Kerin completed the ritual chant that accompanied the zhian’tara, Ezri felt something stir deep inside her. Opening her eyes a crack, Ezri watched as a blue light traveled up Kerin’s arm and deposited itself into Keiko. Once the transfer was complete, Keiko’s head lolled forward and she stood there, motionless. When she finally raised her head and opened her eyes, Ezri was no longer looking at Keiko O’Brien. “Lela?” she whispered.

The woman in front of her smiled, but it was not Keiko’s smile. “Indeed. Are you Dax’s latest host?” Even her voice was different.

“Y-yes,” Ezri stammered. “My name is Ezri.”

Keiko, or Lela, gripped Ezri’s hand firmly. “A pleasure to meet you, Ezri.” Kerin quietly took his leave as Ezri continues to stare at Lela. “Is something wrong?”

“No, I-I just wasn’t sure what to expect. It takes a while to get used to.”

Lela gave Ezri a comforting smile as she walked over to the coffee table and poured herself a glass of water. “How old are you, Ezri?”

“I’ll be 25 in a few months.”

“So young. What do you do? I can see that you’re in Starfleet.”

“I’m the Counselor here on Deep Space 9.”

Lela froze, her glass halfway to her lips. “Deep Space 9?”

Ezri cringed. She hadn’t meant to reveal that she was on the station so soon, if at all. Still, there was no avoiding it now. “Yes, I serve on the same station Jadzia did.”

“I see.” Lela sipped at her water, avoiding Ezri’s eyes.

Ezri had told herself several times that she didn’t care what the other hosts thought of her, but now she realized that nothing could be further from the truth. She took a step forward, her voice pleading. “I can explain everything.”

Lela raised an eyebrow. “Please do.”

“I never planned to be Joined. After Jadzia was killed, my ship was transporting the Dax symbiont back to Trill. Something went wrong, and its condition began to deteriorate. Dax needed to be Joined, and since I was the only Trill onboard…”

Lela took in a sharp breath. “You Joined with Dax to save its life?”

Ezri nodded. “I wasn’t prepared for the memories, for the feelings; they almost overwhelmed me. I went to see Benjamin Sisko, he was a close friend of Jadzia and Curzon, because I thought he could help me. He never let me, sorry them, down before. When he asked me to stay on DS9, I couldn’t say no. I’m sorry.”

Lela took Ezri’s hand, her eyes warm. “Dax is alive because of you. I continue to exist because of you. That is nothing to be sorry for.”

Ezri gave her a relieved smile. “Lela, what made you decide to be Joined?”

Lela considered the question carefully before answering. “When I was alive, few women had the privilege of being Joined. I wanted to be one of those few, to help change Trill society. It wasn’t easy, especially since I was Dax’s first host, but I persevered. I refused to let anyone discourage me, very much like you.” Lela gave Ezri a smile. “You are Dax, Ezri. That means there is nothing you can’t do. Don’t ever forget it.”

* * *

Ezri had to keep herself from giggling at Tobin. He was exactly how she imagined him; shy, nervous, and currently gnawing the decorative paint off Nog’s fingernails. “Tobin,” she said gently. “You don’t have to be so nervous in front of me.”

Tobin shook his head, still pacing around the room. “It just doesn’t seem right for us to be here.”

“Believe me, I’ve been telling myself the same thing for the past three years. Best not to think about it too much.”

“You’re very brave, then. I guess you didn’t get that from me.”

“Tobin, that’s not true! You’re brave in your own way.”

Tobin shook his head. “No, no, I’m not. I still don’t know why I was chosen to be a host.”

Ezri couldn’t believe she was having to counsel one of her past hosts. “They chose you because you were a talented engineer with so much potential. Look at everything you were able to accomplish! You were the first Trill to work with Starfleet in order to develop the warp six engine. You served on the _Pioneer_ under Captain Malcolm Reed, one of the legends of the Federation. You are a credit to Dax.

“Being a host doesn’t always mean that you have to accomplish great diplomatic feats or discover the cure for aging. The important thing is that you exceed your own expectations.” Ezri paused, realizing the significance behind her words. “That’s what I’ve tried to do, at least.”

Tobin stared at her. “I guess you’re more like me than I realized. Sorry.”

Ezri couldn’t help but smile. “Don’t be; I don’t think I’ve ever received a greater compliment.”

* * *

Ezri watched with wide eyes as Emony cartwheeled around the room. “How are you able to do that?”

Emony gave her a wink. “Years of hard work and plenty of practice.”

“I tried to take up gymnastics after I was Joined, but I was never able to get my limbs to go in the right direction.”

Emony sized Ezri up. “I’m not surprised. No offense, but… you’re not exactly the athletic type.”

Ezri laughed. “You’ll get no argument from me.”

“Then why did you try?”

“Well, after I was Joined, I was very confused. I didn’t really know how to cope with it, and then I remembered how relaxing gymnastics was for you. I gave it a try, hoping that it might help me. Unfortunately, it didn’t work quite the way I planned, and I had to find other ways to cope.”

“Good,” Emony said, stretching. “You can’t replicate what makes one person happy. You need to find your own type of joy, and hold onto it no matter what.”

Ezri was quiet for a moment. “Even if it feels like you’ll never be happy again?”

“Especially then.”

* * *

Ezri didn’t realize the impact of Emony’s words until she met Audrid the following day. She liked Dax’s fourth host; she was warm and friendly, and Ezri recognized her own sense of humor in her. They the majority of their time together sharing personal stories, but then the conversation took a darker turn. At least, for Ezri.

“Forgive me, my dear, but I’m curious; Jadzia expressed an interest in having children during her _zhian’tara_. Did she ever have any?”

Every muscle in Ezri’s body immediately tensed. “No. She died before she could.”

Audrid sighed. “What a pity. I’m sorry for asking, but I… are you all right?”

“I’m fine.”

Ezri got up from where she was sitting next to Audrid and moved away, hugging herself. The last thing she wanted was to talk about the baby, but maybe Audrid could help her in a way other people couldn’t. She was a Dax, after all. Quietly, she began to talk. “I got married a little over a year ago, and my husband and I recently decided to start a family.” She paused and took a deep breath before continuing. “We found out that I was pregnant, but… but Dax rejected the baby at two weeks.” Ezri wiped at the tears that were leaking from her eyes.

Ezri placed a comforting hand on Ezri’s shoulder. “I am so sorry. When did this happen?”

“About two months ago.”

“And you’re still grieving.” It wasn’t a question, more of an observation.

“Wouldn’t you?”

Audrid didn’t answer her question. Instead, she said, “I cannot even begin to understand what you are going to, nor would I want to. How have you been coping with this?”

“That’s the problem,” Ezri sniffled. “I can’t even talk to my husband about it; it just hurts too much.”

“What about your husband? How is he taking it?”

“Hard, but still better than I am.” Ezri hesitated, then said, “I know he wants to have another baby.”

“What about you?”

“It’s not that simple. Every time I think about having another baby, I can’t help feeling that we’re forgetting about the baby we lost.”

“You could never do that,” Audrid said soothingly. “You could never forget the love you had for your baby, but you can’t let it control your future. Accept your grief and try to move on.”

Ezri’s eyes were glistening. “What if I can’t?”

“The only one who can decide that is you.”

* * *

Torias posed a bit more of a challenge than the other hosts had. Ezri told him about the Dominion War, he always had an interest in that sort of thing, and the part she and Jadzia played in it. When Torias heard about the _Defiant_, all he wanted was to see it for himself. Ezri tried to tell him that it was probably best if they stayed where they were, but he was quite insistent. So now they were on the bridge of the _Defiant_, Torias lovingly running his hands over the helm controls while Ezri paced nervously behind them.

“Would you stop that?” Torias said gruffly. “I’m not going to fly off with the ship.”

“I know, but we really shouldn’t be here.”

“Stop acting so much like Tobin. Life’s no fun unless there’s some risk involved.”

“You took plenty of risks and look where that got you,” Ezri shot back.

Torias turned around to face her, his expression serious. “Perhaps, but I would have regretted it even more if I didn’t take those risks. Wondering about what might have been is no way to live. I don’t regret any of the choices that I made while I was alive, and neither should you. Now, do you mind showing me how you increase warp power?”

* * *

Ezri nervously followed Sisko into the holding cell. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

Sisko sat down in the chair that had been provided for the occasion and began strapping himself in. “For the hundredth time, yes. Stop worrying.”

Ezri helped him with the arm restraints. “I just don’t want to see you hurt.”

Sisko tested his bonds by tugging on them. “That’s what these are for. Come on; let’s get started.”

Once Kerin had completed the ritual he quickly exited the cell, Ezri close behind him. She turned just as the force field went up. The Captain was staring at her, except he wasn’t Benjamin Sisko anymore. “Why, hello, Ezri. It’s been a while.”

Ezri had to repress a shudder at the coldness in his voice. “You can go,” she said quietly to Kerin, who was more than happy to accommodate her. “Hello, Joran.”

Joran tried to stand, but the restraints holding him to the chair prevented that. He glanced down at them, a cold smirk on his face. “Worried about something, are we?”

“I’m not going to let you hurt anyone this time,” Ezri told him firmly.

“Hmm, I see. Tell me, is this what your Captain does to you?”

“What are you talking about?”

“You’re clearly just as dangerous as I am. You brought me back, remember? To help you solve that murder.”

Ezri flinched. “That was a mistake.”

“Really? I think you enjoyed it more than realize.”

“You tried to make me kill someone!”

“Oh, no, my dear Ezri. You chose to bring me back. You wanted to kill that Vulcan, admit it. You wanted to be just like me.”

Ezri glared at Joran. “I don’t need, or want, to be like you or anyone else. I’m happy with my life.”

“Is it really your life? Look at you; you’re standing in exact same spot Jadzia did seven years ago. You remain on this station, living out your fantasy that you can take her place in the hearts of these people.” Joran’s face twisted violently. “You’re pathetic! Do you think these people really care about you? All they see is Jadzia, instead of what you really are: a weak, stupid girl who should have never been Joined. You disgust me; you’re nothing but a disgrace!”

Ezri couldn’t take it anymore. She turned on her heel and ran, Joran’s mocking laughter chasing her out.

* * *

Ezri didn’t know why she took to the maintenance conduits to be alone, but here she was, staring at the reflective metal of the ladder. She didn’t look up when Julian poked his head out of the conduit above her. “Care for some company?” he asked. When Ezri shrugged, he jumped down and sat next to her. “Kerin’s been looking everywhere for you. He wants to transfer Joran’s memories back to you before you meet with Curzon.”

“Sounds great,” Ezri said drily.

“The Captain told me what happened,” Julian said gently. “You didn’t deserve that.”

Ezri sighed and rested her head on Julian’s shoulder. The surprised expression on his face made her feel even sadder; had it really been so long since they were this close? Ezri pushed the thought aside; that was a problem for another time. “The worst part was that he was right. I was trying to take Jadzia’s place. That’s why I brought Joran back when Lieutenant Ilario was killed. I wanted to prove to all of you that I was just as capable as she was, that you could count on me. It was so stupid!”

“You know we never saw as Jadzia’s replacement,” Julian said gently. “You were as special to us as she was, but in your own way.”

Ezri sighed again. “It’s been one crazy day.”

“If you want, we could wait until tomorrow for you to meet Curzon. Maybe you could get some rest.”

“No, I might as well get this over with.”

“Get this over with?” Julian repeated.

“Sorry, bad choice of words. But really, I’m fine.” Julian pulled Ezri to her feet, and she leaned against him for a moment, letting the blood flow back through her legs. She smiled up at him, cupping his face with her hand. “I love you.”

Julian’s eyes were so warm and caring that Ezri thought her heart might melt. “I love you, too,” he said, kissing her gently. “Now, let’s go find Kerin before he has a heart attack.”

* * *

Ezri wasn’t sure why she felt so uncomfortable around Curzon. Maybe it was because he was the wildest compared to the other hosts, or that he was using Julian’s body. Either way, she was having trouble looking him in the eye. At least he was pleased to be back on DS9; then again, Curzon never did care much for the rules. That, and he had more urgent matters on his mind.

“I’m sorry, Curzon, but Quark specifically requested that you be kept as far away from his bar as possible,” Ezri told him gently but firmly.”

Curzon pouted. “Why?”

“Well, it might have something to do with the last time you were there. Remember? You kissed Quark and almost caused a fight at the Tongo table. I can’t say I really blame him. Besides,” she added. “You’re in my husband’s body right now, and I don’t particularly want to see you use him to pick up Dabo girls.”

“Humph. The least you could’ve done is give me that Odo fellow again.”

“And if I did that, I’d probably never get you back.”

Curzon frowned at Ezri. “Are you sure you’re Dax’s new host?”

Ezri stared back at him, confused. “Who else would I be?”

“It’s just, you don’t act very much like a Dax. Even Tobin was willing to try a little bloodwine during my _zhian’tara_.” Curzon turned his back on Ezri. “I guess you really were Joined by accident.”

Maybe it was leftover feelings from her encounter with Joran earlier, but Ezri found herself growing angry with the former Ambassador. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Let’s face it, my dear; you’re not exactly a prime candidate for Joining.”

Ezri marched around Curzon so that he was looking directly at her. She glared up at him. “Look, maybe I didn’t plan on being Joined, but I was. I am Dax, and I don’t need you or anyone else telling me that I shouldn’t be here!”

The pair stared each other down. Suddenly, Curzon smiled. “Perhaps there’s hope for you after all. Tell me, how’s Benjamin doing?”

Slightly stunned by this sudden change in Curzon’s demeanor, Ezri stammered, “H-he’s fine. He was promoted to Captain about a month after Jadzia’s _zhian’tara_. He got remarried, and has a two-year-old daughter.”

“Am I allowed to go see him, or am I stuck in this room?”

Ezri grinned. “He’s already offered us a dinner invitation. Shall we?”

“Lead the way.”

As Ezri and Curzon strolled down the hall, Ezri went over the events of her _zhian’tara_ in her head. Overall, it had been a very enlightening experience. She just hoped that it would continue to go well when she met Jadzia tomorrow.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Miscarriage

“_I’nora, ja’kala Dax. Ahian’shee Jadzia tanus rem. Gon’dar Ezri tor. Ezri zhian’tara vok. Tu Dax, zhian’tani ress. Zhian’par, Jadzia garu’koj.”_

Ezri watched as Kira absorbed Jadzia’s memories, her heart pounding. This was the moment she had been both anticipating and dreading. She was about to meet the person who had shaped her life as a Joined Trill. This experience would either be one of the most enlightening moments of Ezri’s life, or a complete disaster.

Jadzia’s eyes went wide as she took in her surroundings. “Where… where am I?” She spun around to face Ezri and Kerin. “What’s going on?”

“Hello, Jadzia,” Ezri said gently. “My name is Ezri Dax. I’ve been wanting to meet you for a long time.”

“Dax?” Jadzia repeated. “So, am I part of your _zhian’tara_ then?”

“That’s right.”

Jadzia brushed past Ezri and went to the window, staring out at the stars. “Then why are we on DS9?”

Ezri nodded for Kerin to leave. When he was gone, she approached Jadzia carefully, explaining the best she could. “Dax’s condition became critical while my ship was taking it back to Trill. I didn’t have any of the training or preparation one usually gets before Joining, but since I was the only Trill available, I became the ninth Dax host. Needless to say, the first few months were very… challenging. I couldn’t even decide what to have for lunch without getting input from you and all the others. Naturally, I couldn’t say no when Benjamin asked me to stay here as Counselor.”

Jadzia let a small smile creep across her face. “That sounds like something Benjamin would do. And the Symbiosis Committee actually allowed it?”

Ezri grinned. “It took some Curzon channeling, but they eventually decided to let me stay.”

Jadzia laughed, but then grew serious. “What about the war?”

“The war’s been over for two years. We’re finally at peace.”

“Did we lose anyone else? Julian, Miles?”

“They’re all fine,” Ezri reassured her. “They’re still on the station if you want to see them later.”

“What about Worf?”

Ezri hesitated. “He’s on Kronos right now, but yes, he’s still serving here.”

Jadzia noticed the uncomfortable look on Ezri’s face. “Has he been making things difficult for you?”

Ezri shook her head. “He took your death very hard, and at first it was hard for him to accept a new Dax into his life. It also wasn’t easy for me, since I had your feelings for him floating around my head.”

“What happened?”

“Eventually, we reached an understanding. We realized that the feelings Worf thought he had for me were really for you, and that I actually had my own feelings for someone else.” As Jadzia mulled this over, Ezri added, “He’s become one of my dearest friends. I would never do anything to hurt him.”

Jadzia nodded slowly. “Thank you. I’m glad he has you. So,” she added, a mischievous glint in her eyes. “Who’s this person you left Worf for?”

Ezri blushed. “Does it really matter?”

“I’ve missed at least two years of station gossip. You got to give me something.”

Ezri sighed, “It was Julian.”

Jadzia’s jaw dropped. “You’re kidding.”

“No, I’m not. We’ve actually been married for over a year now.” Jadzia burst out laughing. “What’s so funny?”

“I’m sorry. I just could never imagine anyone being able to put up with Julian enough to actually marry him, or him settling down with just one person. He used to spend most of his time chasing after me.” Jadzia’s face grew serious. “Are you sure he-?”

“I know Julian loves me,” Ezri interrupted. “When we were still dating, Dax was badly injured and we were both dying. Doctors from Trill wanted to preserve only Dax, but Julian wouldn’t let them. He made sure I survived, even though it put Dax at risk. If he was only with me for your memories, then it would have been so much easier for him just to save Dax. He loves me for me, and I love him.”

Jadzia gazed at Ezri, her expression thoughtful. “I really missed a lot.”

“Everyone here misses you, Jadzia. You left me so many good friends, and I’ll always be grateful for that.” A brief silence fell. “Everyone want to see you again, and I’m sure you do, too. If you want to leave, it’s okay.”

“Are you sure?”

“They’ll never let me hear the end of it if I keep you all to myself,” Ezri joked. “We can talk more later.”

Jadzia headed for the door. Before she left, she turned back and smiled. “It was very nice meeting you, Ezri.”

Ezri grinned back. “It was nice meeting you, too, Jadzia.”

* * *

“There you are. I half expected to find you running around in the holosuites with Miles.”

Julian closed his eyes and smiled. The voice may have belonged to Kira, but her tone, her inflections belonged to someone else. He turned to face the woman who had become Jadzia. “I figured it was time I start pulling my weight around here.” Jadzia grinned and crossed the Infirmary to give him a hug. Julian held her tightly. “I’ve missed you, Jadzia,” he murmured.

“Really? You’ve seemed to find ways to get past me being gone,” Jadzia teased.

Julian released her. “What do you mean?”

“Oh, nothing. Ezri seems very nice.”

Julian smirked. “Spit it out, Jadzia.”

“You got married?”

“Is it really that surprising?”

Jadzia shrugged. “Considering your past success rate with women, yeah, it is.”

Julian snorted. “Not every woman treats me like you did.”

“You’re lucky Ezri didn’t pay too much attention to that part of my personality,” Jadzia retorted.

Julian’s jaw tightened momentarily. “Yeah. I guess I am.”

Jadzia noticed. “Julian, I was kidding.”

“I know.”

“Then what’s wrong?”

Julian shook his head. “I’m not sure if I should tell you.”

“Well, something’s bothering you. Are you and Ezri having trouble?”

“I don’t know,” Julian admitted with a sigh.

Jadzia placed a comforting hand on Julian’s shoulder. “Tell me what’s going on.”

He didn’t know how Ezri would react when she found out, but Julian was tired of keeping his feelings to himself. “A few months ago, Ezri and I talked about starting a family,” he began.

Jadzia’s face brightened. “Really? That’s great!”

Julian shook his head. “No, it’s not. Ezri did get pregnant, but Dax rejected the baby.”

Jadzia’s excited face melted into one of shock. “I’m so sorry; Ezri didn’t tell me.”

Julian let out a mirthless snort. “Of course she didn’t. She likes to pretend that nothing’s wrong, but I’ve seen her when no one else is around; I know how badly she’s been affected. I’ve tried talking to her, I’ve tried giving her space, nothing’s worked!”

“What are you going to do?” Jadzia asked quietly.

“I don’t know,” Julian said miserably. “I want to help her, but she won’t let me. She also doesn’t seem to care how I feel about this; she’s completely shut me out. I don’t know what else to do.”

“She really does love you,” Jadzia tried to reassure him.

“And I love her, but I can’t keep living like this. I want to move on, but I can’t do that without her. I just want my wife back.”

* * *

Ezri glanced up from the book she was reading as Jadzia entered the recreational lounge. “Hey, there. Did you enjoy your visits with everyone?”

Jadzia smiled, though she seemed a little distracted. “Yes, I did. Quark even kissed me; I thought Odo was going to kill him.”

Ezri chuckled. “I can imagine. Did you get a chance to see Benjamin and Kasidy?”

“Oh, yes. I’m glad they ended up married, and Rebecca’s adorable.”

Ezri smiled softly. “Yes, she is.”

“I also got to see Molly and Yoshi when I stopped by Miles’ quarters. They’ve grown so much!” Ezri nodded but didn’t say anything. “Julian also seems to be doing well.”

“He’s really been looking forward to seeing you again. When I talked to him about having my _zhian’tara_, he-.”

“You’re losing him,” Jadzia said suddenly.

Ezri blinked, confused. “I’m sorry?”

“Julian. You’re losing him.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Julian told me about what happened with your baby,” Jadzia began.

“He had no right to do that!” Ezri interrupted angrily.

“It was his baby, too!” Jadzia argued. “He told me everything, especially how you won’t even talk to him about it.”

“You don’t understand!” Ezri protested. “None of you. Dax rejected the baby; this whole thing is my fault."

“That’s funny, ‘cause Julian told me the same thing. He thinks his Human DNA was the reason Dax rejected the baby. Did you know that? No, of course you didn’t.”

Ezri glared at Jadzia. “You have no right to judge me. You have no idea what it’s been like these past few months.”

“Maybe not,” Jadzia admitted. “All I know is that you’re hurting Julian. He needs you, and you keep pushing him away. He loves you very much, but if you keep treating him like this, you’ll lose him forever.”

Ezri took a deep breath. “That’s the last thing I want, but it’s not that simple.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know, it just is!” Ezri cried. “I thought that having my _zhian’tara_ would help me sort things out, but now I’m more confused than ever. You’re all telling me so much; it’s hard to take it all in. I don’t know what to do.”

“What did they tell you to do?” Jadzia asked.

“Audrid say that I should move on, but it’s hard.”

“Talk to Julian,” Jadzia insisted. “The two of you need each other. I know Julian would be a wonderful father if you ever wanted to try again.”

Ezri gave a sad smile, staring out the window. “I know.”

“You’d be a good mother, too.”

“What makes you say that?”

Jadzia shrugged. “Instinct. Besides, you’re a Dax. I say that you’d be good at whatever you wanted to do.”

* * *

Julian always tried his best not to bring his work home with him, but there was this one case that was really frustrating him. A Yridian transport vessel had reported several cases of a mysterious rash among the crew, and although Julian was able to treat it without any problem, he was not able to determine the cause. Right now he was examining the cargo manifest in order to rule out the possibility of an allergic reaction. He was so engrossed in his work that he didn’t even notice when Ezri came in.

“Hey,” she said quietly.

“Oh, hey,” Julian answered, briefly glancing at her before returning to his work. “Is everyone back where they’re supposed to be?”

“Jadzia’s consciousness was returned to me a couple hours ago.” Silence fell, but Julian was so used to it that he didn’t even notice. He was surprised when Ezri asked, “Can we talk?”

“About what?”

Ezri perched on the edge of Julian’s desk. “Jadzia told me what the two of you talked about.”

“Are you mad?”

“No, but I’m ashamed of myself. I’ve treated you so horribly these past few months, and I’m so sorry for hurting you the way I did.” Ezri’s voice broke as she continued. “I blamed myself for Dax rejecting the baby; I never once considered that you would do the same,”

“Hey,” Julian said gently, taking her head. “It’s okay.”

Ezri shook her head. “No, it’s not. I’m a Counselor; I’m not supposed to act this way. I should have been more considerate of what you were feeling instead of shutting down the way I did. I’m so sorry,” she repeated.

Julian cradled Ezri’s face in his hands. “Listen to me; I’m not mad at you. I’m just hurt that you didn’t want to talk to me.”

Ezri slid off the desk into Julian’s lap. “It’s not that I didn’t want to. I just didn’t know how.”

“Talk to me now, then.”

“It just hurts,” Ezri whispered. “It hurts so much and I hate it.”

Julian rubbed her back soothingly. “You know I would do anything to make you feel better.”

“I know.” Ezri gave Julian a kiss. “I love you so much.”

“I love you, too,” he said, kissing her back.

They sat in silence for a while before Ezri asked, “Could you really prevent Dax from rejecting another baby?”

Julian shifted so that he was looking directly at Ezri. “I believe so, yes. Why?”

Ezri shrugged, outlining Julian’s combadge with her finger. “It’s been on my mind since I spoke with Audrid.”

“Ezri,” Julian said carefully. “Are you thinking about us having another baby?”

Ezri shrugged again. “I don’t know. Maybe.”

“Ezri, I want to have a family with you more than anything, but only if you’re absolutely sure you’re ready,” Julian said seriously.

Ezri couldn’t help but smile. “I thought that was my line,” she teased. “How about we just live our lives like we normally do, and see what ends up happening?”

“If you want.” Julian laced his fingers with Ezri’s. “I’ve missed your smile.” He paused, then added. “Don’t ever leave me like that again.”

“You got yourself a deal.”

“I’m going to hold you to that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright so I spent the last hour or so transferring this story here, and re-reading everything kinda makes me want to start writing this story again. No promises but fingers crossed!!


	17. Chapter 17

“What do you have for me, Lieutenant?”

Aria pulled up a star chart on one of the screens in Sisko’s office. “Last night I was monitoring ship activity in Breen space when I noticed something very disturbing.” She pointed to a small marker on the chart. “That’s a standard Orion trade convoy, consisting of two cargo ships and three scout ships.”

“That’s interesting, but how does this concern us?”

“Captain, the Orions have never traveled through Breen space, let alone do trade with the Breen Confederacy. This is a huge change between their organizations, and I want to know why this is happening.”

Sisko considered before answering. “They could simply be investigating the damage the Breen suffered during the Dominion War to find a shortcut for one of their trade routes.”

Aria shook her head. “It’s been two years since the war ended; if they wanted to take advantage of the Breen they would have investigated right away, before the Breen started rebuilding their fleet, sir. Besides, the convoy made a stop at Deltus IV, which suggests they were doing more than looking for a shortcut.”

“What’s on Deltus IV?”

“Starfleet Intelligence reports say that there’s a military training facility there, _and_ that Pret Grenn was there at the time of the Orions’ visit.”

Sisko frowned. “I admit that this all seems suspicious, but the Orion Syndicate isn’t a military force. Perhaps – “

“You don’t know the Syndicate, Captain!” Aria interrupted, shaking with frustration. “They are a vile, cruel organization, and they don’t need military force to get what they want, believe me, I know. If they have formed an alliance with the Breen, then there’s no telling how many people they will hurt.”

“I am well aware of the threat the Orions pose, Lieutenant, and the effect that they’ve had on you personally,” Sisko answered coolly, and Aria had to momentarily look away. “I will make sure Starfleet Command is informed of your discovery. Now, I would like to discuss this.” He held up a padd. “Can you give me any reason why I shouldn’t approve this request from Commander Talis that you be transferred?”

Aria stiffened. “It seems like she just doesn’t like me, sir.”

“And why would she? You’ve been downright flippant, showing her no respect!”

“Respect is earned, sir,” Aria answered coolly.

Sisko stood up, slamming the padd down on the desk. “And it is exactly the sort of attitude that will get you dismissed from Starfleet! Do you have any respect for the uniform you wear?”

“Of course I do!”

“And how can I believe that?”

Aria took a deep breath, determined to keep her temper in check. “Sir, I grew up on starships, around Starfleet officers, and I know better than anyone the cost the uniform can bring, but I still went to the Academy. I still took the oath. I fought a war for the Federation, because I never forgot the first duty of a Starfleet officer; to protect the Federation. My attitude may not be to everyone else’s preference, but never doubt that I am loyal, sir. I’m loyal to the Federation, to my friends, to _you_. Approve the transfer if you wish, but in this uniform, here, is exactly where I want to be.”

Sisko and Aria stared at each other for a while. The silence was only broken when Kira hailed the office. “Captain, we have something coming through the wormhole. You better get out here.” Sisko left, Aria right on his heels, grateful for the distraction.

“Are there any ships scheduled to return from the Gamma Quadrant?” Sisko asked Kira, who shook her head.

“Captain, there’s something strange about these readings,” Shar reported from his station. “I… I can’t explain it, sir.”

Aria relieved the ensign who was on duty at tactical. “Do you want me to go to Red Alert, sir?”

“Stay at Yellow Alert, Lieutenant, but have phasers standing by.” Sisko nodded at Chief O’Brien. “Put the wormhole onscreen.” The entire Ops crew watched as a ship flew out of the wormhole. “Magnify.”

Aria’s mouth fell open. It was the Defiant, but she knew it was still in the Docking Ring. “That’s… that’s not possible.”

Sisko’s face darkened. “Yes, it is.”

“Sir,” Chief O’Brien said in a stunned voice, “They’re hailing us.”

“Onscreen!” Sisko barked. The face of Miles O’Brien appeared before them. Aria couldn’t help but check to see if the Chief was still at his station, but he seemed as shocked as everyone else.

The second O’Brien smiled. “Hello, Captain. It’s been a long time.”

Sisko was in no mood for pleasantries. “What do you want, Smiley?”

“How does saving both our universes from destruction sound?”

* * *

Julian didn’t want to believe the rumors. He didn’t want to believe this was happening again. When he overheard Mahoney telling Nog what happened in Ops, he tried to convince himself that she made a mistake, but then Sisko called an emergency briefing of the senior officers, and Julian had no choice but to accept the reality. People from the Mirror Universe were now in his universe.

Smiley was waiting for Julian when he got to the wardroom. He thrust out his hand. “Good to see you again, Doctor.”

Sensing the stares of his fellow officers, Julian shook his hand as briefly as he could, giving him a curt nod as he did. Miles raised a questioning eyebrow at him as he sat down between him and Ezri, but Julian shook his head. The last thing he wanted was to discuss his experiences in the Mirror Universe, though by the look of things, he may not have a choice in the matter. Especially since his double was glaring at him from across the table.

Julian had read Captain Sisko’s report on the Mirror Universe’s Julian Bashir. He was an angry individual; cruel and violent. He certainly looked the part. His hair was long and shaggy, and it looked like he hadn’t shaved in a few days. Julian immediately knew he wanted nothing to do with his counterpart, and judging by the look he was giving him, he felt the same way. Aside from the Mirror Bashir and Smiley, there were only two other men with them. Their heavily scarred faces looked vaguely familiar to Julian; perhaps their counterparts served on the station? It didn’t really matter to him, though. He wanted to know what these people were doing here and what it would take to get them to leave.

Sisko got right to the point. “I want to make it clear that what is said here does not concern anyone but the officers that are qualified to assist in this mission. Smiley has requested our assistance, and we are going to give it to them.”

The other officers glanced at each other uncertainly. “Are we allowed to ask why, sir?” Commander Talis asked.

Smiley answered for Sisko. “We first learned about your universe when Colonel Kira and Doctor Bashir came through our wormhole, which before then it’s existence was unknown. We’ve done our best to keep it that way, but recently the Alliance has learned of its existence.”

“And this concerns us how?” Odo asked.

“Because our intelligence says that the Alliance is planning to use the wormhole to invade your universe,” one of the men who accompanied Smiley said.

“Why would they do that?” Ezri asked.

“And how did they even find out?” Miles added.  
“It’s impossible to see the wormhole unless it’s in use.”

“Someone,” said the alternate Bashir, casting a critical glance at Smiley, “Failed to recognize serious security risks and protect valuable information from such risks.”

Smiley glowered at Bashir. “And who was responsible for making sure that no security threats got onto the station in the first place?”

“If you gave me the power to deal with spies and traitors the way they deserve – “

“Enough!” Sisko slammed his hand on the table, for now both men were standing, faces just inches from each other. Kira and Ezri shared a shock look as they slowly lowered themselves back into their seats. “It doesn’t matter how the Alliance knows, what matters is that they do and that we find a way to stop them!”

Odo nodded in agreement. “The Federation is still recovering from the Dominion invasion, making it the perfect time to attack. If the Alliance comes through the wormhole, who knows the damage they could inflict before we were able to respond.”

“They’re cruel and vindictive,” Kira added. “You can bet they resent us for all the times we interfered in their affairs, and the station and Bajor would be the first to suffer for it. We have to respond.”

“Best if you don’t respond, specifically,” Smiley said to Kira. “Or you,” he added, glancing at Odo and Worf. “Sorry, but too many people on our side have suffered at the hands of your counterparts. Your presence would not be welcome.”

“Understood,” Sisko said before anyone had the chance to respond. “Now, let’s get to work.”


End file.
